We’ve all had those moments – the ones where your blood goes from zero to boiling in two seconds flat.

You’re cool, calm and collected until you’re not.

It could be the driver who cuts you off or the co-worker who sends a “quick email” at 4:59 p.m. Maybe it’s that person with a different political opinion than yours. It’s different for everyone, but sometimes we lose control!

There’s a part of your brain called the amygdala – two little almond-shaped clusters buried deep in your head, responsible for fight or flight mode. Whenever you lose control, the amygdala presses the panic button. Stress signals flood your body. Heart rate spikes. Cortisol surges. Rational thought goes out the window, and you’re in fight mode.

The amygdala is like a built-in alarm system, constantly scanning for threats. It’s the reason our ancestors ran from saber-toothed tigers instead of trying to pet them.

You’d think letting it all out would make you feel better, like releasing steam from a pressure valve – but it’s not really like that. After a moment of rage, your brain doesn’t just cool off. It can stay locked in fight mode for hours. During that time, your logical thinking is foggy, you are emotionally reactive, and even your memory and ability to learn drop dramatically.

Why? Because when the amygdala floods your system with stress signals, it hijacks the prefrontal cortex – the part of your brain responsible for reasoning, planning and impulse control. That’s why you say things you regret, or make decisions that feel smart in the moment but dumb five minutes later.

The brain is like clay – it reshapes itself based on what you do over and over. Every time you snap, you’re carving a deeper groove in that “anger pathway.” The more you use it, the stronger it gets. Which means the next outburst comes faster, with less provocation.

It’s like lifting weights for the wrong muscle. The more reps you put in, the bulkier that anger response becomes. Or like watering weeds instead of flowers – pretty soon the weeds take over, choking out everything else.

Over time, your fuse shortens. You become easier to trigger. People start tiptoeing around you, because they don’t know what version of you they’re going to get. To add insult to injury, chronic anger literally weakens the brain circuits tied to empathy and self-control. The amygdala causes your fight response to grow more dominant, while the prefrontal cortex loses influence. The result? You become more impulsive, less compassionate, and stuck in a loop where anger trains the brain to get angrier.

But let’s look on the bright side! When you pause, take a breath, and decide not to blow your top, you’re doing more than just “holding it together” – you’re actually retraining your brain. That moment of restraint activates your prefrontal cortex – the part of your brain responsible for judgment, impulse control and higher reasoning. At the same time, it signals the amygdala to calm down, which lowers stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline.

The more often you do this, the stronger those calm, rational circuits become. You’ll find yourself less over-reactive, more compassionate, and better at handling conflict. Neuroscientists refer to this as emotional regulation – your ability to feel the surge but not get swept up by it. It’s like building a stronger inner pilot who can take back the wheel from that raging chimp in your head.

If the payoffs to restraint weren’t obvious, there are other benefits as well. People tend to trust and respect those who stay steady when others lose control. Cooler heads don’t just prevail – they lead.

Regulating your outbursts is essential, no matter what – but especially if you’re leading an organization or a family. Keeping calm isn’t just about appearances; it keeps your brain in an optimal state where you can make wise decisions, guide others with clarity and earn respect that lasts. Have you noticed? The strongest leaders – the ones people trust most – are typically those who remain calm under pressure.

So next time your blood starts to boil, hit pause. Walk into the other room, close your eyes, and breathe for a few minutes. That’s how you train your brain for strength instead of weakness. Anyone can lose it – real power is staying calm.

• Toby Moore is a Shaw Local News Network columnist, star of the Emmy-nominated film “A Separate Peace” and CEO of CubeStream Inc. He can be reached at feedback@shawmedia.com.