WRITE TEAM: A terrible burden

Regret is a terrible burden. It warps you, poisoning your relationships. Maybe you didn’t heed your conscience. Maybe you didn’t think before you acted. Maybe you sinned deliberately. Regardless, Regret starts hunting you the moment you do evil.

It might come in your sleep, a thief in the night out to steal the peace you thought you’d found for yourself. In the darkness it hovers over you, watching you sleep through the eyes of those you wronged. It settles on you like satin; then it seeps into you, grafting itself onto the very fabric of your being.

It might come when you’re awake, slipping into your life to suck the joy from you. You may or may not see the Cheshire cat grin Regret greets you with as it approaches — your past deeds coming to collect their dues.

Regret is an assassin, an agent of Misery, devoid of mercy and compassion. Whether it comes at you as a slow and careful serpent or as a maelstrom of agony, it aims to destroy, and there’s no guard against it. You might not even feel the cold and exacting monster creeping up on you until it sinks its teeth in you and drags you down the long and tormented path to your lonely grave.

Some people try to right their wrongs to save themselves from Regret’s torment. They might seek those they hurt to apologize or make amends. Sometimes they never free themselves from Regret, but some manage to at least salvage what’s left of their lives and build themselves anew, learning from their mistakes, using Regret to help themselves be better people.

Other people don’t learn anything. Like frightened animals caught in a trap, they thrash against the snare holding them, snapping at any who try to help them, unaware that the harder they struggle, the tighter the snare becomes. Some chew their snared appendage off to escape, crippling themselves. If they’d stopped struggling long enough to analyze how they’d gotten themselves snared in the first place, perhaps they’d have found a better solution. Instead, they limp away, their bleeding stump leaving a trail for Regret to follow, allowing themselves to be snared again ... and more easily the next time.

Then there are those who try to drag others down with them. They might attempt to hunt down and dispose of whoever they hurt, thinking that Regret will die with that person. They might persuade others to do evil to try to alleviate their guilt, thinking that Regret will release them if they offer up a sacrifice. However, Regret is as greedy as it is sadistic, and it won’t let anyone go just because it’s found another host.

If Regret has made its home in your heart, harming others or trying to suppress it isn’t a good option. You won’t succeed, and if you do more harm, you’ll only increase your suffering. As Oscar Wilde wrote in “The Ballad of Reading Gaol”:

For he who sins a second time

Wakes a dead soul to pain,

And draws it from its spotted shroud,

And makes it bleed again,

And makes it bleed great gouts of blood,

And makes it bleed in vain!

Try seeking forgiveness instead. Regret loves the taste of suffering and loathing but hates the taste of forgiveness.

KAYLA COOK has lived in Ottawa since 2012. She can be reached by emailing tammies@mywebtimes.com.