One of the best divorce blogs is Divorced Girl Smiling (https://www.divorcedgirlsmiling.com/). Recently, blogger Jackie Pilossoph posted about child support. Her insight does not just apply to women. Here are some additional thoughts:
Paying is a reminder of negative emotions. The best reason to pay through income withholding is to avoid interaction with the other party for finances. There is no stigma, shame, or embarrassment. Income withholding is required unless the parties agree otherwise. Employers will not judge the payor, as they process payments like these all the time. It also provides a record of payments that can be readily confirmed. Do NOT pay with cash, ATM transactions, or checks payable to cash!
Is the money really going to the kids? This inquiry is a waste of time and energy. The money is going into the pot contributing to rent or mortgage, utilities, transportation, groceries, and more. There is no obligation for the recipient to account for the money. Child support that is calculated since income shares started assumes that the cost of caring for a child is about $1,200 per child per month. Anyone who provides financial support to a child knows that the actual cost is vastly greater than that.
Financial anxiety. Payors in all income levels feel that paying is not fair. Payees feel that it is insufficient. Both are right. Child support is set based upon incomes of the parties, overnights spent with the children, and an unrealistic amount that the state determined as the cost of support. The residential parent usually supports more humans than the payor, with only 40% of the combined income.
Lack of gratitude from the Ex. Don’t expect appreciation. Both parents contribute more to support children than child support alone commands. Who appreciated what their parents did until they were adults? Jackie nailed this: Child support is solely about the children.
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