Oliver: Another heartbreak in the face of another school shooting tragedy

Not again.

In December 2012, my heart was shattered by the events at an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut. I sobbed in the newsroom that day.

Twelve girls and eight boys, all 6 or 7 years old, died when a 20-year-old gunman entered their school and shot them to death. Also killed were two teachers, two teacher’s aides, the school’s beloved principal and the school psychologist.

That was Sandy Hook. Those two words are synonymous for me with deep, unending grief. Can anyone forget that day of unspeakable tragedy?

I wrote then about my feelings in a column. I expressed my horror that little people would ever face something so evil. Back then, I visited schools for reading events and often found the first graders to be among the most joyful and exuberant.

I could not fathom anyone wanting to hurt them. I wrote: “How the 20-year-old gunman could look into those faces and repeatedly pull the trigger is beyond comprehension.”

I still don’t understand how something so evil could happen. Perhaps it’s because pure evil defies understanding, it defies logic and it’s something that most of us cannot get our own minds around.

That it has happened again leaves me grieving and sick at heart.

This time, it was an 18-year-old gunman who entered a school in Uvalde, Texas. Using an AR-15-style semi-automatic rifle, he killed 19 students and two teachers at Robb Elementary School.

Like the Sandy Hook shooter, who killed his mother before he sought to harm children at a nearby school, the Robb Elementary shooter shot his grandmother before he carried out his attack.

I say the same thing now as I said then: How could he look into the eyes of those 9-, 10- and 11-year-olds and pull the trigger?

That there were children who were desperately calling 911 for help from inside the school only adds to the despair that so many of us are feeling.

Littleton, Colorado. Parkland, Florida. Newtown, Connecticut. Uvalde, Texas. And that is only a fraction of the places where school shootings have occurred. How can this keep happening?

Not very much has changed since even Columbine. Sure, there have been some improvements in school security. Children now train what to do in the event of an active shooter.

Yet, we’re no closer to an answer. Here’s what I wrote in 2012:

“In the days ahead, no doubt even more details will emerge about what happened. What we might never know, however, is why.

“No doubt there also will be discussions about gun control, mental illness and school security. I fear that the usual angry rhetoric will do nothing to honor the memory of those who were lost.

“So I will leave those debates to others.”

This time, we can add debate about the police response and the failings of those to follow security protocols at the school. However, none of it will bring those beautiful children back.

When I look into the faces of my friends’ children who are about the age of those who were killed, all I want to do is hold them tight. That’s something the parents of those killed in all those school shootings cannot do.

These are children who are never going to have the chance to grow up. I mourn for them, as well as for the adults who died trying to protect them from unspeakable horror.

As I did in 2012, I pray that in the face of such a terrible loss, the families will find at least a measure of comfort in knowing that they are not alone in their grief.

The eyes of the nation are watching and they, too, are full of tears.

Again.

• Joan Oliver is the former Northwest Herald assistant news editor. She has been associated with the Northwest Herald since 1990. She can be reached at jolivercolumn@gmail.com.