Our 30th wedding anniversary has been bittersweet. On the one hand, I always knew we’d make it this far, but on the other, my husband’s Alzheimer’s disease has rendered our special day a one-sided affair.

When Tony and I were married in October 1995, our life together was like a blank canvas waiting to be colored in with memories and shared experiences. We had every intention of growing old together and being that elderly couple holding hands in the park.

We were the couple who would draw the attention of waitresses and innkeepers. More than one would comment about how we looked like we genuinely liked each other. Maybe the laughter and banter had something to do with it.

Tony truly is my best friend. He was my cheerleader and confidante, and he remains the one I affectionately call “my guy.”

These days, however, Tony can’t interact with me in all those precious ways. Ten years after his diagnosis with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease, Tony doesn’t really resemble the man I married.

That’s why marking this “milestone” anniversary has been something I’ve struggled with.

We didn’t do too much for our 20th anniversary in 2015 since my mother, who had vascular dementia, was living with us. Tony had also been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s that August, so we were still trying to come to grips with our new reality.

We did wind up going out to dinner in McHenry to one of our favorite restaurants. Another couple stayed with my mother so we could have some time to celebrate.

By the time we reached our 25th anniversary, the world was dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic. Tony also was having a much harder time understanding the concept of an anniversary. I still was trying to make it as celebratory as I could, and I ordered in some of our favorite food.

These days, Tony doesn’t understand much of anything. He babbles a lot and can’t show the concern and compassion for me that were hallmarks of “my guy.” Since I’m not even sure that he recognizes me as his wife, it’s hard to say how much he can grasp our anniversary or if he can at all.

If Tony had been healthy, I’m sure we would have done something big this year. No doubt we would have gathered our dearest friends for dinner and dancing at a banquet hall or restaurant.

I got the idea of trying to do something after attending a gathering for a couple of our friends in April. Of course, I knew that I’d have to scale it back for Tony’s sake.

Still, as more time passed, I started to feel that even that was going to be too much.

When I spoke to one of my closest friends about the way I was feeling, she suggested that maybe I just have a small gathering at our house. Tony would be in his element, and I would benefit from the encouragement and support of our friends. She even offered to help plan it.

Another dear friend stepped in too, and the two of them wound up planning everything. It would be an open house. All I had to do was pick the day and decide a few details.

I gathered some of the items I had from 30 years ago: my dress, the original guest book, our photo album and the silk-flower bouquets that I and my maid of honor had walked down the aisle with. That would be the décor.

My friends had arranged for the food, drinks and music. Guests brought food to share.

Tony may not have known exactly what was going on, but one moment made me think that maybe, just maybe, he had a flicker of an idea. The first song we danced to as a married couple in 1995 – Etta James’ “At Last” – came on.

As I always do, I sang a bit to him as I held his hand. He reacted by opening his eyes wide and making a goofy face that reminded me of my old Tony. I’d like to think he knew it was “our song.”

Still, as the party continued, he needed some quiet time, so he and I found an unused room to sit for a while until he was ready to walk around again.

Despite my initial ambivalence, I’m happy that we were able to do something to mark the occasion.

I’ve been happy to be Mrs. Oliver for 30 years. And I’d be happy to be Mrs. Oliver for 30 more.

If only that were possible.

• Joan Oliver is the former Northwest Herald assistant news editor. She has been associated with the Northwest Herald since 1990. She can be reached at jolivercolumn@gmail.com.