All writers doubt themselves at least some of the time.
It’s just part of the package – one that too often leads to procrastination, where one will do anything but write.
This morning, while procrastinating writing this column, I got sidetracked to a self-assessment on forthewriterssoul.com to determine which areas I need help to fully own my writing talents.
The assessment measures six areas: joy, inspiration, clarity, confidence, support and self-care. After answering the questions, I shaded in the corresponding numbers on the provided pie graph.
I am happy to report that according to this assessment, I am confident in my abilities as a writer, having shaded the entire piece of the pie for confidence.
And, I was pleasantly surprised to find I measured fairly well in support, self-care, joy and inspiration, although each of those areas could use a little, well, care.
My biggest deficiency and need as a writer is clarity.
This comes as no surprise to me. It’s something I have struggled with for a long, long time.
While I have no shortage of ideas swirling through my head at any given time, I can never seem to focus and follow through with any of them.
Imagine walking your dog, and she is cruising along in the outdoors, blissfully inhaling all the beautiful treasures God made just for her, recklessly wagging her tail, when ...
SQUIRREL!
So much for those beautiful treasures.
That image is a bit of what it’s like to live in my brain.
Once I completed my assessment, I engaged in a five-minute guided meditation on the site designed to help writers find clarity.
In it, I stood before a dirty window. On the other side of the dirty window was a clear image of my identity and purpose as a writer.
Once that window was cleaned, I would be able to see that purpose clearly.
So, as guided, I took a cloth out of my pocket – my cloth was purple, of course – and slowly began wiping off the window.
I gently and mindfully continued, wiping off layers of dirt until I saw the vibrant image on the other side.
A vast array of colorful flowers, fully alive, everywhere.
Upon completing the meditation, I quickly scribbled some notes on the back of that pie graph I had just filled in a few minutes before.
“writer’s soul meditation”
“dusty window”
“purple cloth”
“vibrantly colored flowers of different varieties”
“beauty, nature, flowers, feminine soul, whimsy, wisdom”
Those last words are what came to mind when I saw those vibrant flowers. They simultaneously describe parts of my personality and those topics I am most drawn to in writing.
Of course, it’s not wise to limit oneself in terms of who one is or what one should write about. We all have multiple interests and aspects to who we are.
But this is my vision – for now.
In many ways, this has been my vision for my entire life. It just gets clouded by dirt sometimes.
Now I just need the take out my magic pen and turn that vision into something enchantingly real.
Spirit Matters is a weekly column that examines experiences common to the human spirit. Contact Jerrilyn Zavada Novak at jzblue33@yahoo.com to share how you engage your spirit in your life and community.