I can’t promise this week’s column will inspire you.
Many of you know I sit at my laptop on Friday mornings, pray for guidance and start typing.
That method has almost always worked for me.
This morning, I’ve been sitting at my laptop for an hour … while staring blankly out the window.
I am just not feeling it.
My mind is a whirl of pre-wedding exhaustion, and I am having difficulty developing any thought into a cohesive idea.
Inspiration has fled.
It will return. It always does.
But, being one who takes pride in her work, I hate the idea of letting you, the reader down. I know you read this space each week, looking for some kind of thought or insight over which to commiserate about this life we live.
So, all I knew to do was to begin writing anyway, about this haze I am in this particular moment.
As I continue clacking away at the keyboard, it occurs to me maybe where I am is where I need to be … where some of you need me to be.
That this utterly confused brain of mine is inspiration in itself to speak to the universal experience humans share when too much is, well, too much, and our capacity to think clearly or otherwise function properly walks out the door.
We all have different thresholds for this to happen.
For some, having too much to do in a short period of time can be the impetus for burnout.
Others might be pushed to the edge not by how much needs to be done, but by the nature of the situation they face. Maybe they are good at working under pressure, but not so much when it comes to dealing with human conflict.
Still others might have different breaking points.
The reality is, this occasional brain fog is just another part of human existence.
It is one way our intricate bodies trigger the flashing red lights and loud buzzing to tell us something is about to go haywire, if we don’t back down and ground ourselves.
I know how important it is to pay attention to these signs early on.
When I worked at a summer camp for people with special needs, my body, mind and spirit sent numerous messages to me over time, that something was not right, and one or more things needed to change.
I did not listen to these messages.
And I did not make any changes.
I did not know how.
So, my right lower leg began to swell, making it uncomfortable, if not impossible, for me – an avid walker at the time – to walk, and relieve accumulating stress.
The additional stress of not having a clue as to why my leg was swollen, compounded the stress for me, and within a few months, this conglomeration of circumstances sent me into a major depressive episode, which included hospitalization.
Bottom line, the warning signs were there, but I increasingly felt overwhelmed and helpless to manage the various stress factors in my life.
Had I known then enough about myself, and how important it is to listen to and respect our unique limitations, all of this might have been avoided.
But, living the aftermath in real time, day after day after day, has driven home for me the importance of knowing ourselves through and through, paying attention when things are not operating as they should, and making necessary changes for our own wellbeing.
Even if that means disappointing someone else.
We do not need to drive ourselves into the ground in an effort to save face, or to make others like us.
Read that again, if you must.
Because when our bodies, minds and spirits are not operating as they should, we are not in any position to positively influence the people or situations around us anyway.
Life is a school, not only on how to interact with others, but also in how to interact with ourselves.
And the lessons we need to learn will keep presenting themselves, until we finally listen and change.
So, as frustrating as these moments of not knowing might be, I listen.
And I do what works for me.
I write my way through it.
SPIRIT MATTERS is a weekly column that examines experiences common to the human spirit. Contact Jerrilyn Zavada at jzblue33@yahoo.com to share how you engage your spirit in your life and community.