STERLING — The “for richer or poorer” part of the wedding vows may have been written with the idea that couples will stand by each other no matter what their station in life, but it’s also a reminder that with some forethought about finances, they can avoid putting that vow to the test.

Marriage is a commitment on many levels, not the least of which is a promise to share the financial burdens and rewards that couples experience. Marriage nudges them to align their dreams and dollars in a shared journey shaped by honest planning.

It’s a journey, experts say, that should begin sooner rather than later, and definitely not when it’s too late.

Getting to that financial peace of mind was something John and Dawn Kirchhoff went through when they tied the knot 34 years ago. Over the years, they’ve succeeded well enough so that the Sterling couple now coach couples toward steadiness through their financial planning business.

At the Kirchhoffs’ Thrivent Financial office in Sterling, the husband-and-wife planners sit down with soon-to-be newlyweds and unravel the questions that too often go unasked: how to budget together, how to balance goals and how to start building a resilient future.

They’ve learned that financial harmony rarely arrives by accident; it’s built through gradual conversations, realistic expectations and thoughtful early choices.

John and Dawn are among Thrivent’s few husband-and-wife adviser teams in the Chicago District, something they consider an asset. They don’t just talk about navigating finances together; they live it. Their marriage, their work and their six children are reminders that partnership deepens when two perspectives, two personalities and two lived experiences sit at the same table.

Before becoming a husband-and-wife financial team 11 years ago, John was a teacher for almost three decades, and Dawn managed a major grocery chain in the Chicago suburbs. Their professional backgrounds put them in tune with guiding people, reading people and understanding how a couple’s individual strengths fill in each other’s gaps.

That dynamic has become a quiet superpower in the way they work with newlyweds on managing finances together.

“Dawn really is much better at reading women and how they react to some of the things that we talk about,” John said. “I’m a typical guy who can be oblivious of some of those things, but it really works out well when you’re talking about investing. Dawn is much more conservative than I am. I have a little more tendency to be aggressive, so when we work out investment portfolios, we really hash it pretty heavily, and it’s really at the client’s benefit that we spend so much time doing what’s best for them.”

The Kirchhoffs said couples don’t always come together with the same financial outlook. There can be differences in age, outlook, spending habits – one splurges while the other saves.

One approaches money matters with eyes wide open, while the other has blind spots. There’s an individual independence that couples need to understand and come to terms with, and that can be a tricky transition. Finances can cause friction as money is one of the leading causes of arguments among couples. However, candid conversations and some professional guidance can help them work through their differences.

“It used to be that you met someone in college and you got married after you graduated,” John said. “Some things have changed a little bit. People live on their own for a little while and have their own habits. When people are set in their ways, it can be difficult to change habits.”

Those early conversations – the ones that expose mismatched expectations, unspoken assumptions, or a simple lack of awareness – are where the Kirchhoffs believe a knowledgeable third party can step in and make a difference.

One of their favorite workshops they once participated in, “From Me to We,” is a staple of their own work, getting couples on the right – and same – track.

“We are in a lot of workshops, and one of them was ‘From Me to We,’” John said. “It’s about how do I – me – go from separate finances to ‘we’ and combined finances. It really kind of opens up people’s eyes to some of the things that they may or may not have thought about.”

“From Me to We” is a component that becomes a kind of marriage warmup. Couples unpack what they learned growing up, who handled bills, what they valued, and what shaped their sense of needs versus wants. It offers couples a workbook filled with questions they’ve likely never asked each other: What values shape your spending? What habits do you want to keep? Which should you leave behind?

One section has couples sort through words representing their core priorities, each choosing three. Another challenges them to distinguish needs from wants, a shift that becomes more complicated once two lives merge. The conversations are sometimes surprising, sometimes emotional and often revealing.

“One thing I love about ‘From Me to We’ is they haven’t thought about all of that,” Dawn said. “It’s not natural to ask financial questions while you’re dating, and a lot of the questions in the workbook really get them going, ‘Huh, I guess we should talk about that.’ It’s values-based, and their perception of where their values come from. We always add their faith and their finances together.”

The Kirchhoffs see this as the first critical step toward establishing a financial partnership, realizing that marriage is more than just pooling accounts. It’s the blending of priorities, habits, expectations and dreams. Those “a-ha!” moments, the Kirchhoffs said, are why outside guidance matters. It isn’t about controlling a couple’s choices. It’s about giving them a place to speak truths aloud, sometimes for the first time, and hearing each other without the judgment that can flare behind closed doors.

That same clarity is why Dawn and John tell couples not to have one partner take over the finances.

“We discourage that,” Dawn said. “They both need to be involved in all financial aspects. It’s a trust thing, too.”

They show couples how to track spending with a simple analysis worksheet. They talk through Thrivent’s “Money Canvas” program, which helps couples map their budget, and its “What-If Tax” tool that analyzes whether filing jointly or separately makes better sense. There’s no cookie-cutter answer to filling separately or jointly, John said, but, for example, “We’ve had situations where students have extremely high student loan debt, and it’s better to file separately.”

The early months of marriage are framed as a period of active adjustment. After a couple’s first planning session, they ask them to return in six months to reevaluate.

Life changes. Habits shift. Priorities move. The willingness to recalibrate, the Kirchhoffs said, is what aligns long-term goals.

“It’s about setting strong guidelines and saying, ‘This is what we agreed on,’” Dawn said. “Sometimes life messes that up, but then you reexamine it. We tell our clients this isn’t a one-and-done relationship.”

The Kirchhoffs like to celebrate the long view: the decade-later milestones, the houses bought, the kids raised and the surprises weathered with grace rather than panic.

“I enjoy seeing their futures 10 years down the road, going, ‘Wow, we created that,’” Dawn said. “That actually happened. They made it work.”

For the Kirchhoffs, the reason to seek guidance is simple: marriage changes the financial equation, and couples deserve a space to grow their shared identity with support, direction and patience.

“With any marriage, it’s all about communication,” John said. “That’s huge.”

Thrivent Financial agents John and Dawn Kirchhoff are located at 811 E. Third St., Suite C, in Sterling. Email john.kirchhoff@thrivent.com or dawn.kirchhoff@thrivent.com or call 815-535-3918 to schedule an appointment or for information.