Oliver: Somehow dementia has turned once-messy husband into neat freak

When my husband, Tony, was a bachelor, his apartment would have given Oscar Madison’s a run for its money in the messy department.

Oscar, one half of “The Odd Couple,” was the guy whose apartment caused his friend Felix Unger to bust out the broom and vacuum.

Tony’s apartment had all the stereotypical bachelor touches: empty food cartons strewn about, dishes in the sink that hadn’t been touched in who knows how long and items of clothing lying where they landed when they were thrown off.

In other words, it was kind of gross.

I wouldn’t say I’m as fastidious as Felix, but I do like order and organization in my life and surroundings. I pick up after myself, and I put things away.

After we were married, Tony did have to change his ways a bit – in the house at least. The garage, well, that was a different story. Since I didn’t spend a lot of time there, I tried not to worry about it too much.

When Tony was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease in 2015, he had been used to a certain level of neatness and organization. He never did get the hang of putting things in the same place every time. In the beginning stages of his disease, that might have helped him find the things for which he always was searching.

As his illness has progressed, however, he has unwittingly helped to declutter our home.

One of his quirks is to fixate on items. For instance, he used to have every single pen he could find in the house on an ottoman next to his favorite chair. He would spend hours arranging them and then rearranging them. This went on for months.

Then, inexplicably, he decided that he was going to move the pens to random spots around the house.

I was fine with the controlled chaos on the ottoman. In the rest of the house, not so much. My solution was to remove the pens since it was apparent he was done with them.

I’ve documented his fixation with his socks and his penchant for hiding them all over the house. My solution there was to move them to a “secret” location. I’ve had to do that with all his clothing since he would randomly put on his dress clothes in the middle of the day, move his sweatshirts to various locations and hide his shoes.

My mother, who had vascular dementia when she lived with us before her death in 2018, had something similar happen.

When she moved in, she packed a lot of her belongings into her room. I did my best to control the clutter, but it wasn’t easy. Then, as her condition progressed, she started hiding things to keep them from “the little people” that only she could see. My solution to that was to “help” her hide things.

As the weeks passed, more and more of her things were “hidden.” Her bedroom was downright spartan when we were done.

Now, Tony is working on our entire house in much the same way.

In our living room, I’ve had to move throw pillows and books, that ottoman and side tables. Anything that isn’t nailed down might become something that Tony decides to move around.

Let me just say that he’s no decorator. In the past, he never expressed any interest in how the pillows were displayed. Now, I must rearrange things several times a day.

In the kitchen, he’s fixating on the silverware holder on the dish rack in the sink. I can’t for the life of me figure out why. However, if I’m not looking, he takes it off from where it hangs and moves it to another location.

If I leave my mug in the dish rack so that it can dry, Tony moves it. Apparently, nothing is allowed to be in the dish rack. This has made me diligent about doing the dishes immediately after meals and putting everything away, lest the plates wind up in the bathroom.

Tony, in his own way, has become a neat freak.

Or, at the very least, he’s making me more of one to try to get ahead of him.

• Joan Oliver is the former Northwest Herald assistant news editor. She has been associated with the Northwest Herald since 1990. She can be reached at jolivercolumn@gmail.com.