Oliver: Sometimes we need to take a deep breath and allow ourselves to be helped

From the time we become toddlers, we feel the need to do things for ourselves.

Who hasn’t seen a toddler fuss when mom or dad tries to help him get a toy or wants to hold his hand? Later, there are the battles over who gets to pick out the day’s outfit.

This only gets more intense as the years go by. The teen years are filled with the push and pull of trying to gain more independence from one’s parents.

As a society, we put a premium on being able to take care of ourselves. This is particularly true here in the U.S., where independence seems to be part of our DNA.

Those who need help are seen as weak, somehow less. Or not trying hard enough.

Maybe we don’t think that of other people, but how many of us think that of ourselves when we find ourselves needing help?

We don’t want to be a bother. We ought to be able to do things for ourselves. Won’t everyone think less of me if I ask for assistance? What’s wrong with me?

If those thoughts have crossed your mind, believe me they cross my mind on a regular basis.

For years, Tony and I were an excellent team. Put a challenge in our path and we’d figure it out.

Around the house, neither of us were particularly skilled, but we’d solve the problem. If furniture needed moving, we’d pick a side and lift away.

These days, that just isn’t possible. I was reminded of this when I foolishly thought I could roll out a new rug for our living room.

The new one is bigger than the previous one. I cleared out most of the room and started putting down the new rug pad. The problem was, I needed to get the last couple of inches under the sofa, which I hadn’t cleared out because it’s too heavy.

I did my best to explain to my dear Tony, whose Alzheimer’s disease has been progressively worsening, what I needed him to do. Then I repeated myself about six more times.

Try as I might, I could not make him understand the task. And I could not lift the sofa leg and shove the rug pad underneath at the same time by myself. Obviously, the rug itself would pose the same problem.

My team now is down to just me. And I’m too small and too weak to do it alone. Tears of frustration didn’t help the situation.

Happily, a friend and her husband were stopping by to pick up our old grill. They were eager to help, and it took less than five minutes to get the task accomplished and all the furniture back in place.

Sometimes we just have to admit that we need help.

In my case, that’s happening more and more. That’s when I remind myself of all the times that I helped other people. I never thought less of them. I was just happy to be useful.

Still, the reluctance is real, and it’s something I imagine I will be working through each and every time.

Sometimes we need help with more than just a heavy object. Sometimes we are struggling emotionally and having to fight just to keep getting up in the morning.

Asking for help can seem like an insurmountable obstacle. Yet help is just a phone call away.

On Saturday, an easy-to-remember dialing code was launched to connect callers and texters to the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988.

Just like 911 for physical emergencies, 988 will connect those in crisis with counselors and a local mobile crisis team. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, who supports the national hotline, says the service is there for anyone experiencing mental health distress: thoughts of suicide, mental health or substance abuse crisis, or any other kind of emotional distress. People also can call 988 if they are worried about a loved one who needs support.

Sometimes it’s hard to ask for help. It takes courage.

However, there’s no shame in needing and getting help. People want to help.

And it just might save your life.

• Joan Oliver is the former Northwest Herald assistant news editor. She has been associated with the Northwest Herald since 1990. She can be reached at jolivercolumn@gmail.com.