B-List: A baker’s dozen of great literary witches

Greetings, all! Like a thirsty vampire released from a silver coffin, the B-List has returned — and talk about perfect timing, as previous readers will recall the Halloween season is when this writer’s power is at its peak.

For those not familiar with the column: every other week expect a fun themed list covering a variety of topics from books, TV, movies and more. Got a suggestion for something you’d like to see? Feel free to send them to angie.f.barry@gmail.com.

This week, by special request, I’ve collected a coven of 13 of the greatest witches from literature. I limited my choices to ladies who a) are actually called or self-identify as witches, so no sorceresses or fairies; b) are from books/series I’ve actually read; and c) are “good” witches, though that sometimes depends on which side of the street you stand on. (You may notice nobody from Harry Potter appears here, and there’s a reason for that. Given J.K. Rowling’s loud and proud stance as a transphobe, I feel none of her characters deserve a place on this list.)

Save for No. 1, the following witchy women are all equals in ranking (and my affections), so let’s start with:

12/13. Sally and Gillian Owens (Alice Hoffman’s “Practical Magic”)

Orphaned young, sisters Sally and Gilly grow up with their weird, witchy aunts in a small Massachusetts town where everyone blames their family for anything that goes wrong. Desperate to escape the abusive taunts and rumors of the Owens curse, Gilly runs away while Sally marries and strives to have a normal life.

But when Gilly accidentally poisons her awful boyfriend, and Sally helps her bury him in her backyard, the sisters have to deal with both a malicious haunting and a curious investigator.

I must confess that I prefer the 1998 film adaptation to the original book — it’s hard to beat the combination of Sandra Bullock and that dreamy, glorious house. But “Practical Magic” is, in my opinion, Hoffman’s best book to date, and has quite a bit more darkness and shades of gray to it than the bubbly movie.

11. Lady Jessica (Frank Herbert’s “Dune”)

In Herbert’s sprawling space opera, the mystical Bene Gesserit sisterhood has pulled the strings of power for generations. With their prophecies, “weirding ways” and careful manipulation of noble bloodlines in order to create the supreme being known as the Kwisatz Haderach, they essentially control the universe.

Until Lady Jessica, concubine to Duke Leto Atreides, goes against the orders of her Reverend Mothers and dares to give her beloved a son, who she then teaches the Bene Gesserit ways (something forbidden to men). Jessica’s choices, made out of love, end up being the catalyst for the entire story of “Dune,” which truly makes her the most important character in this classic sci-fi saga.

It’s not often that you see witches in science fiction. And Herbert’s Bene Gesserit, with their persuasive voices, complete control over their own bodies (to the extent that they can even neutralize poisons and choose whether to conceive sons or daughters) and prescience, certainly stand out from the crowd. I’m very excited to see how Rebecca Ferguson plays Lady Jessica in the new “Dune” adaptation, in theaters Oct. 22.

10. Agnieszka (Naomi Novik’s “Uprooted”)

Every 10 years, the cold, aloof wizard known as the Dragon comes to Agnieszka’s tiny village and claims a young woman in exchange for his protection from the deadly Wood that surrounds the valley. No one knows what happens to the woman once she joins him in his castle, but everyone expects him to choose the beautiful and talented Kasia.

To the entire village’s shock, he picks Agnieszka instead, and she learns it’s because she has an innate gift for magic. And in a world where beneficial magic seems to be dying out as the corrupted Wood continues to spread, it’s vital that she learns to harness this gift. Unfortunately, the Dragon’s structured, book-based style of magic proves impossible for Agnieszka to master, and she has to follow her own heart — and go against society’s rules — to become a full witch in her own right.

Novik’s gloriously gorgeous and tremendously dark fairy tale was heavily inspired by the Polish myths she grew up on, and “Uprooted” is a tale centered around female empowerment and friendships, with just a dash of romance sprinkled in.

9. Kiki (Eiko Kadono’s “Kiki’s Delivery Service”)

When young witches turn 13, they must leave home and make their own way in the world for a full year. Kiki doesn’t have any particular magical gift like other witches — she can’t read the future in a cup of tea leaves, and she doesn’t have the knack for brewing potions that her mother boasts — so she decides to use her (sometimes spotty) ability to fly to start her own delivery service.

But what’s a young witch to do when something she once relied on and found great joy in suddenly deserts her? How can Kiki deliver packages all over the city if she can’t get her broom off the ground?

Most know of Kiki thanks to the delightful Studio Ghibli adaptation of her story, which is quite faithful to Kadono’s novel. “Kiki’s Delivery Service” is a whimsical tale with a charming protagonist and an important message about persevering through adversity and depression in order to rediscover your passion.

8. Diana Bishop (Deborah Harkness’ “All Souls Trilogy”; first appearance in “A Discovery of Witches”)

Diana, a Yale history professor, is one of the few witches left in the modern world. But since her parents’ deaths she’s rejected magic and prefers to focus on her current research at Oxford. When the mystical Ashmole 782 manuscript (also known as the Book of Life) inadvertently falls into her hands and activates her latent powers, it brings her to the attention of the other magical beings still in the world, the vampires and the daemons.

One vampire in particular, Matthew Clairmont, has been searching for the Book for 150 years, and a forbidden romance quickly develops between him and Diana as she finally begins to learn how to master her magic.

Sure, “A Discovery of Witches” could be described as a more mature “Twilight” set at Oxford. But Harkness’ strong historical grounding and fine scholarship make this story and heroine Diana much more satisfying and complex than most supernatural romances. (That being said, this isn’t a light and breezy series; readers should plan to set aside solid blocks of time to properly digest everything, and expect long tangents on alchemy and Renaissance life.)

7. Yūko Ichihara (CLAMP’s “xxxHolic” manga series)

Owner of a wish-granting shop, the beautiful Yūko promises to rid high schooler Kimihiro Watanuki of his ability to see spirits so long as he agrees to work for her as a cook and housekeeper.

An enigmatic figure in her butterfly-patterned gowns, Yūko, also known as the Dimension Witch, is bound to her shop and a moment in time thanks to a spell from the great wizard Clow Reed (a character who appears in other CLAMP series), which is magically extending her life. But as that spell weakens, so to do her powers, and she must rely more and more on Watanuki to help her clients and maintain the shop.

So often in fantasy the people who can grant wishes are either outright evil or dangerously tricky, as liable to destroy your life as improve it. Just look at all of those genies/djinns and Needful Things-esque stores that prove “be careful what you wish for” is a hard lesson to learn. Which makes Yūko and her shop in “xxxHolic” a really refreshing change of pace; Yūko is not a malicious temptress, and she (and Watanuki) strive to actually help people with magic.

6. Tiffany Aching (Terry Pratchett’s “Discworld” series; first appearance in “The Wee Free Men”)

When we first meet Tiffany, she’s a headstrong nine-year-old happy to brain a river monster with an iron skillet in order to protect her little brother. And from there, she just gets better.

When her ignorant village lets an old woman accused of witchcraft die of exposure, Tiffany is determined to become an actual witch to prevent anything like that from happening again. Using her witchcraft and knowledge, she sets out to teach her shepherding community how to be and do better.

Terry Pratchett remains my favorite author of all time, and in large part that’s due to his female characters like Tiffany. She sees a great injustice, and she sets out to become something that’s hated in order to change things — how incredible is that? Tiffany takes her selfishness and turns it into a weapon for good, protecting her land and people from invading Fair Folk, besotted winter gods and religious extremists.

5. Serafina Pekkala (Philip Pullman’s “His Dark Materials” series; first appearance in “The Golden Compass”)

Of all the witches on this list, Serafina may be the coolest in terms of aesthetic. With her long, tattered gown, flowing hair, bare feet and snow goose daemon, she flies through the air without a broom to weigh her down.

She’s also the most action-heavy witch, taking down enemy zeppelins single-handedly with a combination of magic and physical combat. One of protagonist Lyra’s greatest allies, Serafina often turns the tide of a bad situation and is super handy when someone’s in need of healing or advice.

4. Gytha “Nanny” Ogg (Terry Pratchett’s “Discworld” series; first appearance in “Wyrd Sisters”)

Witches are often depicted as either wrinkled old crones or as beguiling temptresses — this septuagenarian with a face like a dried apple manages to be both. The much-married Nanny is head of a vast clan in her mountain kingdom of Lancre, treats her vicious cat Greebo like an innocent kitten and is the unlikely best friend of the dour Granny Weatherwax.

It’s guaranteed great fun whenever Nanny shows up. She’s never met a party she didn’t want to crash, a bottle of liquor she didn’t want to drink, a handsome man she didn’t want to flirt with, or a pickle she didn’t want to eat.

Prone to “borrowing” things and hiding them in her knickers, she strums a mean banjo and has connections everywhere. She’s the greatest ribald granny we all wish we had, and the vibrant antithesis of every witch cliché there is.

3. Agnes Nutter (Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s “Good Omens”)

The only true prophetess in history, Agnes wrote down all of her visions in “The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter,” “Witch,” a book which later becomes pivotal in her descendant Anathema’s quest to thwart the apocalypse.

Every single one of Agnes’ prophecies is true, though some were nearly impossible for her descendants to decipher, such as Prophecy 2214: “In December 1980, an Apple will arise no man can eat. Invest thy money in Master Jobbes’ machine, and good fortune will tend thy days.”

According to “Good Omens,” Agnes was the last witch burned at the stake in England. That may be because she loaded her petticoats with 50 pounds of gunpowder and 30 pounds of roofing nails, taking out everyone gathered to watch her execution in a bit of very satisfying justice.

2. Sophie Hatter (Diana Wynne Jones’ “Howl’s Moving Castle”)

In the fairy tale land of Ingary, some things are indisputable fact. One of them is that the eldest of three sisters will never be successful, so Sophie has resigned herself to a dull life running the family’s hat shop, never knowing that she has the ability to will life and purpose into objects. (For instance: she tells a hat she makes that it will bring good luck to its owner, and so it does.)

But when the Witch of the Waste mistakes her for her sister and turns her into a crone, Sophie sets out to find a way to break her curse. Crossing paths with the infamous wizard Howl, she becomes his housekeeper and strikes a deal with his fire demon Calcifer: if she can break the curse Calcifer and Howl are under, Calcifer will restore her youth.

If you’ve only watched the (albeit beautifully bizarre) Studio Ghibli adaptation, I beg you to read Jones’ book as well. It’s far wackier and weirder, and the characters are much more fun. Sophie is a cranky old lady even when she’s young/her curse is broken, and I adore how she gives back as good as she gets from the snarky, melodramatic Howl.

1. Esmerelda “Granny” Weatherwax (Terry Pratchett’s “Discworld” series; first appearance in “Equal Rites”)

“Witches are not by nature gregarious, at least with other witches, and they certainly don’t have leaders. Granny Weatherwax was the most highly-regarded of the leaders they didn’t have.” — “Wyrd Sisters”

Of all the literary witches out there, none can surpass Granny Weatherwax. She’s cranky and extremely opinionated. She knows just who she is and where she belongs in the world, and she’s absolutely unapologetic about that. She’s tough as nails and will literally argue with Death himself. And she plays a mean hand of Cripple Mr. Onion, and knows just how to use the old lady card to her advantage.

She’s also incredibly powerful, able to Borrow the minds of hundreds of bees, outwit ancient vampires and pull entire countries through time. But her greatest power is knowing when not to use magic; for Granny, being a witch is more about hard work and psychology (or “headology”, as she calls it) than casting spells. Being a witch is about standing on the very edge of things — between the light and the dark, good and evil, life and death — and making the hard choices so no one else has to.

And she does it all without any expectation of praise or reward. She does it even when she knows it’ll make people hate her, because it’s who she is and it’s the right thing to do. Talk about a role model for the ages.

• ANGIE BARRY is a contributing columnist for Shaw Media. To suggest future topics for The B-List, which covers topics in pop culture, history and literature, contact her at newsroom@mywebtimes.com.