Spirit Matters: On individuating and becoming who you are

I find it interesting when people cannot believe two siblings came from the same household, or the same parents.

As though they should be carbon copies of one another.

I have four brothers and one sister, and not one of us is exactly similar to the other in terms of personality, temperament or interests.

There are arguably many external factors that contribute to this, such as birth order, peer influences, education, cultural influences during development and growth, and so on.

But I believe the primary reason siblings are different from one another, even when growing up in the same household, is simple.

They are separate people, with two completely unique, unrepeatable souls designed by Divine Intelligence itself.

Of course, they are not going to be the same, just because they grew up in the same house, with the same parents, and the same rules.

Consider sibling rivalry when children are young and growing into their identity. One of the primary reasons siblings fight is each is trying to establish and embrace their beliefs, their patterns, that differ from each other. One or more of them might not understand, or feel threatened by the others’ approach, and because their brains are still developing, the easiest way for them to “resolve” it is to fight, whether that be verbally or physically.

Each of my siblings and I have our own unique ways of being in this world.

The beautiful thing is, that is how it is supposed to be.

Yes, there are commonalities. Those who are aware of our family can often easily identify who we are, and from who we come, simply by physical features, or similar behaviors.

But there are also easily identifiable differences among us.

Growing up in the same household absolutely shapes our lives, but it does not define it, which is why everyone is asked to individuate into our own experiences, to live a psychologically and emotionally healthy life.

Some people grow up in less-than-ideal, even horrific circumstances. But, although it might be more challenging for them than those who didn’t grow up in such circumstances, they can still make choices that will improve their lives, and even go on to flourish.

Within families, and in the larger world, each soul has a unique purpose, and to me, we should each seek to fully embody our own unique soul, rather than to fit in with social or cultural dictates, even familial dictates.

To do this, at least two things are important: self-awareness, and the ability to set boundaries with others.

To develop self-awareness, one needs to have the ability to look within to know what interests them, and to honestly identify their own strengths and weaknesses, so they can pursue a life that is true to their unique soul imprint.

Developing self-awareness can also help us understand when, why and how we might be contributing to conflict, and to take steps to resolve the conflict and/or to change these behaviors.

As we strengthen this knowledge of ourselves, and what we stand for, what we need to be healthy, functioning people, it is important to set boundaries with others.

Boundaries can be physical. But they are also emotional, psychological and spiritual.

The boundaries we define for ourselves tell others what we will and will not give our energy to, and what we will tolerate in terms of how they speak to or treat us.

Obviously, establishing and developing boundaries can be a complicated process, and it doesn’t necessarily end, as life, by its very nature, is organic, always changing. So then, our boundaries change too.

But in committing to the development of self-awareness and setting boundaries, we make big steps in taking responsibility for our own lives, and becoming who we are meant to be.

Despite living in a vastly changing and evolving technological age, we are not robots.

Nor were we designed to be.

It is up to each one of us, with the guidance of the holy Spirit, to live our lives, on our terms.

This is our precious inheritance as human beings, designed by an Intelligence far greater than any of us individually, or collectively can surpass.

Let’s not waste it.

  • SPIRIT MATTERS is a weekly column that examines experiences common to the human spirit. Contact Jerrilyn Zavada at jzblue33@yahoo.com to share how you engage your spirit in your life and community.