“Love makes the world go ‘round

Somebody soon will love you

If no one loves you now.”

Bob Merril - “Carnival!”

This ever-popular Broadway musical, “Carnival!” first came out in 1961- over 60 years ago. The sentiments of someone loving you may ring beautifully true for some of us right now, but for many more, it holds a distant, hollow ring.

Some of us are carrying deep heartache from a lost love, or from the betrayal of someone once trusted. Others pine for a love never received, never fully experienced. Still others are brokenhearted because of the death of someone dear. For these reasons and more, hope for future prospects in love may appear dim.

And in this month saturated with red hearts and cheerful Valentine’s Day messages, a loving absence could feel sharper than ever. If you’re not in the February lovey-dovey groove, it can seem as if love is everywhere – except where you are.

And if you’re someone currently on the search for someone special to share your life with but feeling depleted by all the failed attempts, rest assured: it’s not easy looking for love in all the wrong places, even if at first glance those places seemed right. In fact, it’s a drag.

But there’s hope for every aching, breaking, hopeful heart. There really is. I’ll share a secret that can get you into the right place.

It’s actually a secret whispered from thousands of years ago…

• The ancient Greeks called it Philia – deep friendship.
• Plato called it the journey of Eros or beauty.
• Aristotle named it self-respect.
• Buddhists spoke of universal compassion.
• Indian Sages taught self-awareness.

All these ancients saw the importance of self-love as the foundation for any other type of love. Without this core ingredient, loving others is superficial. It’s a silly game with no depth – forgotten tomorrow like a bad Netflix movie, if you can even sit through it to begin with.

So start where you are. Deepen your self-love, not in phony egotistical ways, but in ways that are less judgmental. Judge yourself less, both the good and the bad. Sprinkle some kindness onto your wounds.

And perhaps in the process, as you begin to feel a gentle twinkle in your eyes, you’ll pass along a quiet smile to someone still waiting for their own.

In order to get that ball of love rolling and make it go ‘round and ‘round, it all starts with you.

You. Yes, you. Beautifully self-loving you.

• Joan Budilovsky, PhD can be reached at editorial@kcchronicle.com or Yoyoga.com.