I want a pair of presidential socks. A drawer full of them, actually.
You see President Barack Obama crossing his legs in news interviews, and you don’t see the skin of his shins. It’s nothing but socks.
You see me crossing my legs in casual settings, and you are likely to see my calves because my socks go only so far up my leg and my pants go only so far down my leg. And it makes me feel self-conscious. And there's good reason for that, I've come to find out.
I used to think my pants were too short when that happened. But if I wore pants with an inseam long enough to hide my skin, the cuffs of my pants would be dragging on the ground, wearing out at the heel. Obviously, that's not the length of pants to wear.
So I started buying pants that were the right length, that didn’t drag on the ground, and that solved the problem of fraying the cuffs of my pants. But it created a whole new problem of showing shin. And the president doesn’t show shin when he is sitting comfortably.
The socks I buy go up to my lower mid-calf, and that seems like what most of the socks on the display at the store do. I never find myself grabbing a pair of socks that are extra long. Obviously, the president doesn’t go shopping for socks at the same place I do. As if he buys his own socks. He has people to do that for him. We all should have people.
And they come up with socks that cover his entire calf, so he can cross his legs when he is being interviewed or photographed with a head of state and show no shin, which is very presidential.
It’s not like we haven’t see the president’s legs. When he has been on vacation, he often wears shorts confidently, so we know what his legs look like. And they are pretty regular, as far as legs go. But I stopped wearing shorts about 15 years ago for reasons I don’t fully understand. I just came to the conclusion that shorts weren’t for me, no matter how hot it got. I wasn’t going to show leg.
I came across Sock University on the Incredible Internet. “Socks are the one thing that all people have in common” is its motto, although I’m not too sure about that. I know people who spend much of the year not wearing socks, although those are mostly in the warm-weather months, not the height of winter.
“Knee-high, trouser socks and over-the-calf socks provide coverage right below the knee. Knee-highs are fashion socks worn by women, usually in colder weather. They may be worn with pants or skirts and often come in a variety of colors and patterns. Trouser socks are worn by men, often with dress outfits, suits and formal wear,” according to “Anatomy of a Sock” from Sock University, from which I want a degree.
Obviously, I am looking for trouser socks, but I haven’t called pants trousers in, like, forever. And dress outfits, suits and formal wear all seem to describe the same thing: nice clothes that you wear to a wedding or a funeral.
In the seven types of socks described by Sock University, none of them mention the likelihood of showing flesh if you wear them and whether that is acceptable. You would think it would come with at least a warning: Possibility of flesh to be shown. Be careful in public.
Sometimes, I throw caution to the wind and just cross my legs and let the world see my shins when I don’t have the energy to pull my pant leg down or keep both feet planted firmly on the floor. But that’s rare. When I am seated behind my desk, I don’t have to worry; only I know about the fleshy part of my leg showing. But when I am in a meeting or leading a group, if I cross my legs, I’m going to end up showing one and all my calves if I get comfortable and cross my legs.
Sock University is pretty clear about sock length in “Sock Length: Do’s and Don’ts for Men.” “As a basic rule, except for sports and warmer weather when you might be wearing shorts, never wear socks short enough to show any leg,” it says. “It’s particularly unseemly to glance over and see a well-dressed businessman cross his legs and flash his pale pink legs in the process. Always make sure your socks are long enough to cover whatever sort of leg territory you’ve got.”
“Particularly unseemly.” Egad. It couldn’t be more clear. It’s not just me and modesty. It’s time to find trouser – trousers! – socks. Like the president wears. He’s the fashion leader, world leader, on socks.
• Dick Peterson, who lives in Woodstock, is a mental-health advocate. He is a freelance writer and a former Northwest Herald Opinion Page editor. He can be contacted at dickpeterson76@gmail.com.