Safe Passage vigil sheds light on survivors of domestic abuse

DeKALB – Safe Passage’s annual vigil to honor victims of domestic violence brought stories of hope and courage Monday night. At the vigil at the DeKalb Area Women’s Center, abuse victim Sarah Banbury spoke about her experience with domestic and sexual abuse.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, but Linda Moser, executive director of Safe Passage, added that it's important to be aware of the issue year-round. She pointed out that domestic violence affects those from every race, age and economic group.

Moser said Safe Passage helped 1,053 local women and children last year, and the number of clients the agency sees increases every year.

Banbury told the crowd she was raised in a house that involved drug use and violence, and she saw her mother abused. Banbury said she told herself she never would allow her children to be part of such a situation.

She said she suffered from depression and low self-esteem throughout life; when she met the man who went on to abuse her, they quickly became involved.

"I was so low that I felt his attention was all I needed," Banbury said. They moved in together, married and had two children, in what Banbury described as a "very, very, very tense household."

Her husband's ongoing threats and verbal abuse eventually became physical, as he sexually and physically abused Banbury one night to the point where she went in and out of consciousness while being choked and raped. Banbury teared up remembering her children's reaction to her bloodshot and swollen face.

"I was so angry that their father had hurt their mom so much," she said.

Banbury and her children have begun to move on. She said it took her a long time to snap out of the "fear-filled daze," but she has learned she is able to accomplish her goals like anyone else.

After speaking, Banbury received hugs from friends and words of thanks from those who attended.

"I just feel like it's a big part of my recovery," Banbury said of speaking to the group. "I hope that anyone in a relationship that has signs of abuse would get out as soon as they see signs, and know there is help."

Moser said Banbury's words help others, too. Those who hear her story know they don't have to remain in an abusive household, when it might "feel like it's a black hole," Moser said.

"Hearing someone else say, 'I was there, but I got out' is really inspirational," she said.

Another woman, who wished not to provide her name, told the group she was a victim of domestic violence and left her partner earlier this year. She sang a song she wrote during the time she was abused, and the crowd applauded her.

Before the 1980s, domestic violence was "very hush-hush," said Amanda Schrems, Safe Passage's sexual assault program coordinator and legal advocate. Now more than ever, people are talking about it and making others aware. Hearing Banbury's story "makes domestic violence real," Schrems said.

And walking around the neighborhood carrying candles to honor survivors, as the group did Monday, brings the issue out into the community, Schrems said.

She said the agency also aims to make people aware of rape in marital relationships. Many people still believe that one spouse can't rape the other, but that's not true, she said.

Those who attended said the vigil is a reminder to appreciate what Safe Passage does for the community.

"I think it's important for people to have a place where they feel safe," vigil attendee Toni Heinze said of Safe Passage.