When Phyllis Clower, 70, enlisted in the U.S. Army in 1981 at the age of 28, she was fulfilling an aspiration she’d had since childhood.

“I always wanted it,” Clower said. “I wanted to make it my career. I was a tomboy growing up. I played war and cowboys and Indians with my brothers and our friends. I wanted to enlist when I turned 18, but my parents wouldn’t give their blessing. They only allowed it eventually because the economy was so bad that I’d lost 13 jobs to cutbacks and layoffs and I convinced them it was the only options for me to get some marketable skills and experience.”

That drive and her desire to rise in the military’s ranks, powered her through basic training, even when she received an injury that would follow her the rest of her life.

“We were running laps around a field and I was the lucky individual to find the gopher hole,” Clower said.

Her right foot was not broken, but she tore multiple ligaments and tendons in the fall, resulting in six weeks in a hard cast and a six month cycle of re-injuring herself before she completed training.

“They expected me to be able to do it all, run, march, the whole nine yards, without much physical therapy,” Clower explained.

Every time she attempted to pass her training, she ended up back in the cast and needing to start over.

“Eventually the two things I needed to pass were the PT [Physical Training] Test and the grenades course, which came after it,” Clower said. “The last time I did it, I said ‘screw it, I’m going to finish.’ My squad leader told me that if I couldn’t get my boot on, I would have to go on sick call for another cycle, so I set my alarm an hour early, wrapped my ankle as tight as I could in ace bandages, and shoved it into my boot. When my squad leader saw me she just shook her head, but I passed the tests. I couldn’t walk in the graduation parade because I was on crutches, but I passed.”

For six years, while she rose to the rank of sergeant working in communications for the 101st Airborne Division, she woke up early and wrapped her ankle every morning.

Two-and-a-half years into this routine, Clower was told at a military hospital in Germany that she would need fusion surgery on her ankle, which would inevitably lead to a discharge.

“I hid it from command,” Clower admitted. “As a sergeant I was able to carry my own records and I conveniently lost that portion.”

Clower said she hoped to serve for 15 to 20 years and make it into command, but she left the service four years later when she became pregnant with her son.

Clower, who is now an out lesbian and has been with her wife Carol for 30 years, said she had married her ex-husband, a military police officer, “to try and live the way society deemed I should live.”

“I had to leave or our child was going to have to go live with grandparents,” she said. “Nobody else was going to be responsible, so even though I had the bigger paycheck and rank I wanted to do what society said we should do and I left the service to be a wife and mother.”

As it turned out, her marriage didn’t last, she said, and she ended up raising my son by myself. That was until she met Carol.

“She came around when he was about 7. She had kids that were almost grown, so we ended up with a blended family and I don’t regret a day of it.”

Post military life

Outside her family life though, Clower said she had a “difficult at best” transition to civilian life.

“You can take the girl out of the Army, but you can’t take the Army out of the girl,” she said.

Additionally, her injury was getting worse, and she found herself having difficulty working from the pain, even in roles that didn’t require her to be on her feet much.

“Every job felt more strenuous than the last,” she said. “Not being able to work at 37 was a hard pill to swallow,” she said.

Clower eventually had surgery on her ankle in 1997 and again in 2000, though the process left her with limited mobility, only being able to move the toes on her right foot.

She was eventually able to get disability with help from AMVETS, and she joined the organization in an effort to socialize with other veterans.

“I went to meetings, and I was the only woman there,” Clower said. “They asked me to take notes.”

Clower said she had a similar issue at the VFW, which she was told she could not join outside the Auxiliary because she never saw combat.

“It wasn’t allowed for women then,” Clower said. “I knew someday that would change and women would be able to go into combat, and I wanted that experience, but I wasn’t allowed to.”

She thought she might have a chance to get into combat in the military action in Grenada in October 1983.

“I was the only woman in my unit, but before we were sent in, I was removed from the team and replaced with a less experienced male,” she said.

Making connections

Clower said that the exclusivity of many veterans’ organization left her feeling isolated as she dealt with her injuries.

“For years I had nothing and my disability just got worse,” she said. “I needed to use a scooter and I gained weight. Eventually, I got into a program at Heins [VA Hospital] to get more active.”

Through the program at Heins, Clower was introduced to Healthy Minds, Healthy Bodies, a program run by Donna Rielage, who was in the process of starting the veterans recreational therapy organization known as AllenForce, which was located in Addison at the time.

“She asked me if I was interested in trying the program, and it was them that really accepted me for being a veteran, even without combat experience,” said Clower. “It was the only organization I could attend with my wife. When they moved to Plainfield, we were very excited, it was half the distance from us in Montgomery and it made it so much easier to participate in different things they set up.”

Clower has since become a dedicated participant and volunteer for AllenForce, acting as an ambassador and trainer for the VetTank program, which allows veterans with mobility issues to rent all terrain power chairs for outdoor activities.

“I truly believe it was AllenForce that saved my life,” said Clower. “I was becoming housebound. It was difficult for us. For a while I couldn’t even drive. Through them I finally got the courage up to drive again with my right leg and even have my own vehicle. These are all stepping stones I wouldn’t have taken had Donna not encouraged me to get out of my own head.”

AllenForce opened its own dedicated space in Joliet this summer, where it hosts regular events to promote physical, emotional, and mental health to veterans and their families through recreational activities.

“I can’t sing their praises enough,” said Clower. “The camaraderie you get not just from the military side, but from the families there supporting their relatives, it’s like an extended family all there to support each other’s wins and to encourage each other to take those baby steps towards healing.

“I know for a while I was on the verge of being one of the 22 veterans a day who take their own lives,” Clower said. “Now I don’t even think about it.”

Clower said that whenever Rielage needs volunteers, hers “is the first hand in the air.”

“I want to give back to a group that’s done so much for me,” she said. “The fact that Donna has it geared to whole families is not only an exciting aspect of what she does, it’s educational for the veterans and their families, without feeling educational. We have fun and we learn.”

Clower said being accepted at AllenForce as a woman, a non-combat veteran, and as a member of the LGBTQ community was significant as many challenges and prejudices remain for those groups in military environments.

Opening doors

While she was able to get her surgery through the VA, she said her gender initially caused confusion there.

“The first time I walked into the VA I had all my documents in hand, and I told them what I needed,” Clower said. “They looked at me and said ‘but you’re a female,’ and told me to go elsewhere because they didn’t have facilities to treat women. I told them ‘you’d better get some because there’s a lot more coming up behind me.’”

Heins opened a women’s clinic in the basement with two exam rooms and waiting area shortly after Clower first started visiting. Today, the women’s clinic has a whole wing.

“Some things change for the better, but there’s still a lot of issues that need to be conquered for women,” Clower said.

“I’m always grateful when I meet a female combat veteran,” said Clower. “I always shake their hand and let them know I appreciate what they’ve done, and they shake mine because I helped pave the way.”

Clower said issues for the LGBTQ community are even more problematic.

“When I was in the service, it was an automatic dismissal,” she said.

She said while the miitary has become more accepting of gay and lesbian service members, a lot of members still won’t talk about it because of the prejudice they’ll face.

“There have been changes for the better, but mostly it’s the same, and now with this current administration, we’re going back in time,“ Clower said, noting the singling out of trans people.

”I don’t like it. It angers me. Too many of us worked to get us where we were to be able to serve without being drummed out," she said.

The issues still faced by many veterans leads Clower back to the importance of finding an accepting community for all who have served, no matter their role or background.

“Like I said, I can’t sing their praises enough at AllenForce,” she said. “They accept us for who and what we are. No discrimination. It doesn’t matter to them.”