Oliver: Workplace romance, even when done correctly, can be complicated and tricky

Workplace romance is back in the news again after an unfortunate incident recently at a Coldplay concert in Massachusetts.

The then-CEO of Astronaut Andy Byron was caught cuddling with the chief people officer of the company, Kristin Cabot, on the Jumbotron at the concert during a “kiss-cam” segment. The two quickly tried to hide when they spotted themselves, causing even band frontman Chris Martin to wonder aloud whether they were having an affair or just shy.

Sadly, it was the former. Now, Byron is out of a job, and Cabot was put on leave.

Done wrong, workplace romance can kill a career or at least put up large obstacles to moving forward. Cheating on one’s spouse clearly is a bad way to go about it. But even when the players are single, such interactions are fraught with peril.

Despite all that, people are still finding a way to link up at work.

According to the “Modern Workplace Report” by Zety, 32% of the 1,000 U.S. employees surveyed said they had dated a boss or supervisor, an article in Newsweek reported.

Many companies have formal policies about who can date and when such relationships must be disclosed. Of course, not everyone follows the rules even when they do exist.

As someone who ultimately married my boss, I can attest to the fact that even when every reasonable step is taken to make sure the situation is above board, it still becomes … complicated.

The relationship between my beloved Tony and me took a long time to develop, mostly because Tony was at first oblivious to my attention, but then because the thought of dating an underling just wasn’t something he’d consider. After all, he’s a stand-up guy.

Our friendship deepened over time, to the point where we would go out to lunch from time to time. Tony never considered these to be “dates,” but eventually even he had to admit that we had something between us.

When he finally decided that this was no passing fancy and we might be ready to date, he went to his supervisor. I then had someone new to report to, and we were able to officially begin our relationship.

Despite that, perception is often reality. My co-workers weren’t too keen on the idea of Tony dating me, and they made that clear in ways small and big.

I often heard the murmuring that the only reason that I was able to work on the front page every day was because I had slept with the boss. Never mind that Tony wasn’t the one who made that decision. It didn’t matter; it looked bad.

Even after we were married in 1995, I still had to deal with blowback from my co-workers, but my own advancement was stalled too.

Things would come to a head every now and then. Once, Tony and I were called into a meeting so that our co-workers could vent at us about how I was “tattling” on them to Tony when he wasn’t there and I was. (We were required to have different days off and were allowed to have only one week off together.)

As hard as I tried to explain where I was coming from, I got nowhere. Again, perception is reality.

Even after Tony left the paper, I had to live with the consequences of our relationship. Eventually, though, it became the non-issue I had hoped it would be all along.

Perhaps I had been naïve to think that if we did everything right that it would go smoothly. And if I’m asked, I do not recommend dating one’s boss. Unless, of course, one is sure this isn’t a casual fling and one is prepared for some negative reactions. The complications and unnecessary drama were difficult to bear sometimes.

Still, this year, Tony and I will have been married for 30 years. We went through a lot to be together, and we’ve gone through a lot since.

They say that the path to true love rarely runs smoothly. That certainly was the case for us.

But I wouldn’t trade my dear Tony for anything in the world.

• Joan Oliver is the former Northwest Herald assistant news editor. She has been associated with the Northwest Herald since 1990. She can be reached at jolivercolumn@gmail.com.