“Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn whatever state I may be in, therein to be content.” - Helen Keller

Meditation can be quite a strenuous workout.

Sure, it doesn’t look like much sitting there with eyes closed. But underneath those lids, the mind is likely doing flip flops of an Olympian nature. First this thought leaps in, then the next, then both at the same time. It’s amazing to witness!

And, witnessing is actually the main event.

Most people don’t realize they can control their personal mind chatter. They think, “Well, I can’t help it, that’s just who I am.” But YOU are much more than that crazy mind chatter doing cartwheels and backflips for attention.

Another question runs in for a high jump…

“If I’m not my mind-chatter or my thoughts, then who am I?”

Yes, who are you?

I’m Joan. Thank you very much. Nice to meet you. But I’m also Mother, Wife, Sister, Friend, Writer, Artist, Musician...I could go on and on. Blah, blah and more blah.

Eventually I’ll come to a silence. What else can I possibly say? Oh yes, another description comes along. Yep, got it. But then what...another silence.

Each silence gets longer and longer. I’m running out of ideas! Who the heck am I?

But when I run out I’m actually getting closer to the true essence of who I am. Past the titles and one-word gotchas.

Some of us are better writers than others and could go on and on describing our glorious beings. These are the people who do quite well in Scrabble or crossword puzzles. I’m one of them. But I have yet to meet a person who doesn’t eventually run out of one-word descriptions, even though I do have yet a few more people in this world to meet.

Who are you?

Who am I?

And this is meditation. The silence that comes after a meditation technique is practiced. The silence between the sounds. The silence when the search of Who I am is utterly exhausted.

This silence is not easy to be in. More definitions or thoughts will certainly arise. It’s like small talk. With the right person it can seem endless. It can also be excruciating.

But eventually and assuredly silence comes around again.

Thank God.

Joan Budilovsky can be reached at editorial@kcchronicle.com or through her Yoyoga.com website. She is a visiting professor this fall at Beloit College in the Physical Education and Recreation Department, teaching “Explorations in Meditation.”