I read a report on divorce last week, and some of the contents surprised me even though I have gone through that painful process. Divorces can happen at any age, but what is on the rise are those divorces between the Baby Boomers. According to a 2022 study, only 9 percent of divorces in 1990 were couples over 50. By 2019, that number grew to 36 percent. Ending a marriage at this age is known as the “gray divorce”.

A major change in the happy life is the empty nest happening. Also, longer life expectancies enter into the equation. Often with the children gone, both partners may feel like they are living with a stranger. Why spend so many years after the kids leave being unhappy?

The ink is barely dry on some marriage certificates before some couples face the harsh reality of separation. Statistics are somewhat misleading as some say only 3% of American couples divorce each year. A more realistic statistic might be what percentage of marriages eventually end up in divorce. That number becomes 16.9% with 70% of those being filed by the wife.

The age of the couple at marriage also has an influence. Couples marrying for the first time in their early 20s have a divorce rate of 60% while those tying the knot after 30 have a divorce rate of only 25%. By age 55, 40% of Americans have divorced at least once. Four in ten divorces occur in the first decade of marriage while less than 25% occur after 25 years of marriage. All in all, one-third of Americans who have been married report their first marriage ended in divorce.

The millennials have as a group delayed marrying. That means later marriages, with the men at an average age of 30 and women at 28, cut the divorce rate by 15%. However, this group often has an added pressure leading to the separation. It is called an economic squeeze such as student debt and amplifies the risks to the 25-34-year-old couples.

Is it because divorce is just easier these days? While there are many reasons for seeking a divorce, the necessary grounds for such a law suit have been eased considerably in the last 25 years. Originally the grounds could only be physical abuse, abandonment, or unfaithfulness. Almost all states now have the ground commonly called irreconcilable differences. That can be in any marriage and often shades the real reason for the divorce.

Many times, the couple has grown apart due to one’s occupation, outside interests, or just economics. There often comes a time in marriage where one or the other looks at the present, then projects the future and realizes that one only has one life and this is not the way to spend the rest of it. Sometimes just the fact that one may become bound to medically care for the older partner, leads the healthier one to flee.

If there is as divorce and a second marriage, the percentage of a divorce in the second union is even higher than the first. Hard to file the first one, easier the second. Often the second marriage has no offspring which also makes the decision easier.

Fewer women marry because of pregnancy these days for several reasons. Ease in obtaining birth control as well as legalized abortion have reduced the must-marry situation. The social position of having a child out of wedlock also does not carry the disgrace that it once did.

There are several considerations before filing for the divorce. Divorced adults have substantially lower household incomes and less wealth as singles than they had as married adults. Second marriage divorces can further cripple the economic status as well. Then there are losses of health insurance, reduction of retirement savings, and if one partner had a younger spouse (ten years or more), the annual required withdrawal could have a lower RMD until the divorce happens.

Another change has recently come if one spouse is to pay alimony. Previously, the payor of alimony was able to deduct 100% of the payment in his or her tax return, and the recipient then paid tax on the alimony received, almost always at a lower percentage rate. Now the payor cannot deduct alimony payments and the recipient pays nothing on the money received. Overall, the government gets more taxes and the individuals lose the difference.

When the total income is divided after the divorce, there is only one standard deduction for each of $18,150 and the tax rates for single filers changes. Where $100,000 of income tax rate for a couple is only taxed at 12% between $24,801 and $100,000, the rate for a single filer jumps to 22% for anything over $50,000 up to that $100,000.

So, who is happier in the long run after that divorce? I think of Patty Loveless and her song about her lover leaving, Oh, he hurt me bad in a real good way. Perhaps the ultimate relief goes both ways if the parting had reached that point but was not recognized by both at the start. Often, the feeling of freedom softens the pain for both.

· Dennis Marek can be contacted at llamalaw23@gmail.com.