Emma was the only person who knew her sister was dating a boy at school.

But it wasn’t until Emma attended a prevention education class provided by Family Shelter Service that she recognized her sister’s relationship for what it really was. She realized that his frequent texting, messaging and monitoring of her sister’s social media were not signs of affection or love, but rather were ways Allie’s boyfriend used to control her.

All of us know about domestic abuse. Many of us don’t know it could be affecting our kids in the form of dating abuse. That’s because teens often don’t tell their parents when they find themselves being abused in a dating relationship.

In fact, more than three times as many teens (20 percent) as parents (6 percent) admit that their parents know little or nothing about their dating relationships. And one in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds the rates of other types of youth violence.

With no frame of reference for acceptable dating behavior and no guide book for healthy relationships, teens often mistake jealousy and controlling behavior for affection and love. The online monitoring and unending texts are seen as just another manifestation of their partner’s devotion.

Some of these teens will go on to spend a lifetime with a jealous, controlling partner, trapped by a pattern of behavior that they could not recognize when they were young; we hear this story all too often at Family Shelter Service.

One of the most effective ways to prevent abuse is to teach kids about healthy relationships before they even start dating. Prevention education can help them recognize the red flags and teach them what real love looks like.

That’s why we instituted our Prevention Program for middle and high school students. This year alone, nearly 8,000 middle and high school students across DuPage County will learn about healthy relationships from the Family Shelter Service Prevention Program team. With middle school students, these age-appropriate presentations cover healthy relationships (including friendships), decision-making and how to set boundaries. With high school teens, the topics include dating violence, recognizing abusive behavior, consent and how to help a friend.

Thanks to the prevention education presentation at her school, Emma was able to talk to her sister about her relationship. Allie confided that she had become afraid of her boyfriend, and with Emma’s support, she was able to get the help she needed to safely leave the relationship. We later learned that Allie’s mother was so grateful for the help her daughters received that she had called the school to thank them for making Family Shelter Service’s Prevention Program available.

Reaching kids early is key to breaking the cycle of abuse. If you are interested in having a presentation at your own school, please contact Senior Prevention Educator Tikiya Young at tyoung@familyshelterservice.net.

Maureen McGuire is media relations and advocacy coordinator for Family Shelter Service, a DuPage County-based domestic violence agency.