DeKalb resident changed the world around him

"It's a Wonderful Life" was the last movie Kevin Ballantine watched before he died – fitting, his family says, for a person who realized shortly before his death that he made lasting impressions on countless others during his short life.

A red binder filled with letters is evidence of that. The book, made for Kevin, has become a treasured family memento – proof of how many people we touch and the mark we can leave on the world, even when faced with death.

Kevin, 23, of DeKalb died Jan. 15 after a three-year battle with acute myeloid leukemia. After being diagnosed in February 2009, Kevin underwent more than 10 rounds of chemotherapy and two stem cell transplants – maintaining his humor, optimism and spirit throughout, said his father, Dave Ballantine.

"I just know Kevin's story is both ordinary and it's also miraculous," said his mother, Diane DeMers.

When he relapsed after a second stem cell transplant in February 2011, Kevin took part in clinical trials in Houston and Chicago, DeMers said. In September, when he returned from Houston and death seemed a real possibility, Kevin became depressed, DeMers said. He feared he hadn't made a difference in the world.

DeMers said she wondered how she could show her son he had inspired so many with his spirit and courage.

She got in touch with friends and family, explaining what she hoped to do for Kevin and how they could help. Write a letter, she asked, telling Kevin how he has made a difference in your life.

More than 200 letters were received. Letters came from family and close friends but also from acquaintances or those who had never met Kevin but had heard his story.

Some of the notes are long tributes; others are brief. All detail ways Kevin made an impression on the letter writer, whether it be through a kind word, simple gesture or the outlook he maintained while he battled leukemia.

"For me, it was just an eye-opener," DeMers said.

Working at a Northwestern University camp for gifted children one summer, Kevin helped a girl change her car battery and the interaction stuck with her, DeMers said. Stories have circulated about Kevin sitting with freshmen in band at Cornell University, taking the time to get to know them and make them feel comfortable, she said.

"He knew it was important to make those connections with people," DeMers said.

The typed letters fill a binder with Kevin's favorite quote on the cover: "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

While Kevin read the book, letter after letter describing the ways he had personally helped or inspired others, DeMers said he realized it was OK to face the end of his life. He could do so with peace, because reading the letters allayed his fear that he hadn't made a difference.

DeMers said she was touched by the many stories of how Kevin quietly made a difference. But that's what people would find about anybody's life, she said.

"The miracle is the miracle of Kevin, but, you know, Kevin is every man, every woman," DeMers said.

All of us touch people in ways we'd never expect, she said.

Kevin made it to Christmas, the new year and was able to watch the Northern Illinois University football team's bowl game, which DeMers said was important to him.

DeMers said she and her son had to have conversations no parent wants to have with a child. But along with discussions on the type of funeral service Kevin wanted, DeMers said they also talked about the meaning of life.

Even early on, Kevin – a bright, upbeat and helpful young man – was interested in the world around him, said Dr. Myron Kuropas, Kevin's third-grade teacher. Years later, Kevin invited Kuropas to his high school graduation party. The teacher said he appreciated being remembered by a former student.

Kevin was an inspiration and mentor to music students before and after he was diagnosed with leukemia, said Travis Erikson, choir director at DeKalb High School. Choir students and alumni sang songs to Kevin at the family's home before his death and at his funeral last month.

Erikson said Kevin was essential in developing a close-knit team among drumline and percussion players in marching band and joined choir as an upperclassman at the high school.

While Erikson and others tried to find ways to cope with the news of Kevin's illness, "he would often be the one that would prop everybody else up," he said.

Trying to improve life for others made Kevin feel better, DeMers said. Even before he was diagnosed with leukemia, he knew he wanted to make a difference in the world. He accepted what he was faced with, though he didn't give in to it, either, she said.

"It's a sad story, but so much good came out of it," DeMers said.

Dave Ballantine said the family is doing as well as can be expected, as Kevin's death leaves a big hole.

Kevin's story resonates with so many, Ballantine said, because almost everyone faces difficulties in life. People don't always get to choose the circumstance, "but we do control how we respond to it," he said.

Observing Kevin's attitude and spirit throughout his battle with leukemia may help others examine their own lives, Ballantine said.

Being able to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" just before Kevin died has special meaning for the family, because it's a family tradition each Christmas to watch the 1946 film about a man's realization that each life touches so many others, Ballantine said.

"The way we act affects other people, and Kevin really understood that," Ballantine said.

Know more

Three scholarships – one for band students at DeKalb High School, one at Christ the Teacher Parish in DeKalb and one at Cornell University – are being set up in memory of Kevin. Those interested in contributing to or finding out more about these scholarships can send an email to KevinBeTheChange@aol.com.