Just dance: Schools, students grapple with 'grinding'

The lights will go down, the music will go up and teens at prom will begin to dance. How they dance has become an issue at some schools.

Many teens do a dance called grinding, which some describe as a sexually explicit back-to-front style where partners stand front to back and thrust or grind their hips into a partner's pelvis to the music. It is a type of dance that has made some students uncomfortable – and some high school administrators have tried to stop it.

Neither of the St. Charles high schools have a specific policy against it, but officials say it is covered under a requirement for students to act appropriately at school-sponsored events. Kaneland and Batavia high school officials say they don't have a problem.

At Geneva, it is banned. The frustration of trying to be effective chaperones at dances prompted Geneva High School officials to issue a tough policy against grinding, which was enforced at the school's Black Light dance in February. It will be in force at prom later this month. Geneva students will get a wristband. If they have to be told to stop inappropriate dancing, the wristband gets cut off. If students without wristbands are stopped again, according to the school's letter to parents, they will be removed from the dance.

"We did try many different things before we went to this wristband," Geneva High School Activities Director Terry Emma said. "We tried re-staging the DJ – putting him in the middle to spread the crowd out. With 1,500 kids at the homecoming dance, it was hard to get in the middle and discipline everybody."

If inappropriate dancing is widespread, Geneva officials say they will stop the music. If it continues after the music is started again, the dance may be ended sooner than its scheduled time.

At the Black Light dance, 100 students danced face to face, and no wristbands were cut off, Emma said.

"We're not saying no hips moving; we're saying dance face-to-face," Emma said. "No more back-to-front dancing. A lot of students were uncomfortable with that."

Many students said they don't know how to dance any other way, so the school has been offering free dance classes Tuesdays after school, Emma said.

"This is one of the positive things we did," Emma said. "The dance instructor is teaching hip hop and regular dance moves to music – other than grinding."

"We have great kids," Geneva High School Principal Thomas Rogers said. "We have faith in them that they will do the right thing at prom and they do know how to dance appropriately."

'Freedom of expression'

Tyler Ulin and his friends almost decided not to go to Geneva's prom this year, because of the grinding ban.

"I did not think the rule was necessary," said Ulin, a senior. "We are 17- and 18-year-old kids; we're not that out of control to have to ban something that was harmless."

He acknowledged that some students were uncomfortable with seeing others dance that way.

"I just think a low percentage of students have a problem with it and are uncomfortable," Ulin said. "I don't think it's anything to be uncomfortable about. It's freedom of expression. It's not a big deal."

He said they learned the grinding dance style from MTV.

"That is what we've become accustomed to. It's all we know, really," Ulin said. "Me and my group, we all weren't going to go to prom, but at the last minute, the girls wanted to go, even without the grinding experience."

However, Ulin acknowledged that grinding would not be appropriate at another dance venue, such as a wedding reception.

"Not in front of my parents," Ulin said. "I don't want them feel awkward or uncomfortable. Our parents would be disgusted by it."

Ulin's date, Elizabeth Hudon, 18, designed some T-shirts as a protest, stating "live free" on the front and "grind hard" on the back. Hudon said about 200 students bought her shirts and plan to wear them before the April 30 prom.

"It's ... a way we can act out without getting in trouble," Hudon said.

'It was gross'

Not every teen sees grinding as harmless freedom of expression.

Ellie Petit, 15, a sophomore at Geneva, was a freshman at her first homecoming dance when she saw grinding for the first time.

"It made me very uncomfortable," Petit said. "That's really sexual for a school dance ... it was gross."

For Ellen Wildman, 16, a junior, to grind or not to grind is just not that simple. It might appear that the grinders are in the majority, she said, but that is from peer pressure. If you go to a dance and don't grind, you might get made fun of or bullied, she said.

Wildman's involvement to seek a ban on grinding began with an all-girls Bible study she started called the God Squad, including Petit.

"We all went together for homecoming, and we were really just put off by the dancing," Wildman said. "One of my friends left early, she was so grossed out. It was just weird, you get so dressed up just to grind."

At the next Bible study, the group considered a petition against grinding – but then they thought too many would be afraid to sign it.

"So we decided we would just write a note and everyone from the Bible study signed it," Wildman said. "And we sent the note to the deans, the principal and the teachers and waited. Then we went in for a meeting to talk to Mr. [Thomas] Rogers, the principal."

The letter, signed by Wildman and 10 other girls, describes grinding as "extremely vulgar and overly sexual." It points out the student handbook warns "students may be removed for lewd or inappropriate dancing/behavior" yet this was not being enforced at school dances.

"If this is acceptable, then it is hard to imagine what type of dancing would be considered unacceptable," the students' letter states. "If students were ever seen 'grinding' in the hallways on a normal school day, the deans would punish them."

The students' involvement, coupled with concerns from parents and teachers, spurred the school to ban grinding, according to the letter administrators sent home in February, announcing the new rules for dances.

While the students' letter states most parents would not allow their children to attend dances where grinding is allowed, Melody Ulin, Tyler's mother, said she was not going to say grinding is right or wrong.

"As a mother, I can't say I'm for or against it," Ulin said. "In our generation from the 1970s, we danced to disco and boogie woogie. Some of the straightest-laced kids from Geneva are doing it because that's what they've been taught."

However, Kim Chismark, past PTO president for Geneva High School, praised Rogers for taking a stand against grinding.

"I give Mr. Rogers a lot of credit for making an unpopular decision among the students," Chismark said. "I applaud the administration for taking a stand and for trying to make this an activity all kids would like to go to. Some students are turned off and don't want to go to the dances because of it."

Chismark said the parents and the district need to be partners on this issue.

"I would not want my child to be doing it, and I'm glad the school has taken further steps to stop it," Chismark said.

Grinding to a halt

Geneva has the strictest anti-grinding policy. St. Charles East and North turn the lights on to get the grinders to stop.

St. Charles North Assistant Principal Audra Christenson said while grinding has been around for years, it has become more prevalent in the last three to four years.

At their most recent dance, the Sadie Hawkins dance Feb. 26, the DJ provided a warning to students to dance appropriately.

If they did not, the next stop was to change the music from hip hop and rap to something else – and to turn all the lights on in the gym, she said.

"The initial response was frustration and disappointment from some of the students," Christenson said. "But the dancing did change. The lights went back off and the majority of students remained on the dance floor and enjoyed the rest of the dance – appropriately. Some students left the dance early, but it was not an exodus."

North's new enforcement against grinding also came from the community working together with students, parents and staff, Christenson said.

"We will continue working proactively so we can provide cues to help guide students toward appropriate behaviors," Christenson said.

Batavia High School Associate Principal Chip Hickman said grinding is as much a cultural issue as a school issue.

"When you turn on MTV and media sources the kids rely on, that is the example our kids are exposed to," Hickman said. "We have no policy, but we state the dos: 'Dance in an appropriate manner.' And we are going to use our best ability and judgment in determining what is appropriate."

Hickman said he has attended every school dance from homecoming to prom in the last seven years, and cannot recall a time when he had to correct a student's dancing.

"I'm not naive to think we don't have couples that grind. Most of the time, they are self-correcting," Hickman said. "We don't have evidence that it is an issue. If we thought it was an issue, we would be addressing it."

Kaneland dean Diane McFarland said students at her school generally do not grind at dances.

"Our kids behave well, and we have not had major issues regarding this," McFarland said. "I have been to every single dance, and that has not happened to the extent where I feel I have to go over and tell that person to stop it. You dress our kids up and they behave really, really well."