Here’s what this dad wants for Father’s Day or every day

Author’s note: I felt good writing this for Father’s Day in 2010. Feels better reading it again.

I have a boxful of old Father’s Day cards.

What I savor are the quick scribbles inside. I could say, “Here ya go. Proof. It says right here I’m ‘A Great Dad!’”

But am I?

My sons arrived with tiny toes and fingers and trusting eyes and the question, “Now what?” I already was wondering what kind of father I would be. I knew what I was not going to do, but I did most of those things anyway.

You run to the crying and fix it. Feed them, hug them, guard them, but it gets tougher when toddlers start asking questions and tugging at the leash. That never stops.

Who said parents must have all the answers? (We often pretend we do.) We end up confessing, “I wasn’t a perfect dad, but I tried to do the right thing. I did the best I could. But could … should I have done more?

My three sons deserve apologies. For a lot of little stuff. “Sorry I missed your game” or “I shouldn’t have gotten so angry” or “We should have talked more.”

I say little stuff, but was it? Were there bigger issues? Was there something left out of the learning about life lessons? Eventually there’s a tougher question ... do they still need me?

To my dad I can say yes, even though he’s gone now. I struggled with bigger issues. All sons do. But we were both busy juggling life. We dropped some balls, but that’s how you learn.

Let’s just say the day my dad left us the world got a bit scarier. It became clear how important it was to know he’d always be there. Now I unpack memories for that comfort.

Father’s Day gifts are fleeting – the ties, shirts, cologne, tools, and many books. I do still treasure the cards with names scribbled in crayon and doodle drawings.

So what do dad’s really want on Father’s Day – or any day? What do I want from you, my sons?

I want you to tell me all is OK now … that you forgive things done wrong or not done at all.

I want you to know who you are and you’re not afraid to be who you are.

I want you to know how to be happy and content.

I want you to share your life with me whenever you can. A slice is all I need.

I want you to understand the pain of others, even if you do not like them.

I want you to have pride in your name that comes from generations of fathers and sons with their own achievements and failures.

I want you to remember moments we shared … when the world was right and we knew it and memorized it together.

Understand you were the product of love. The day you were born it started a fire that still burns.

And never forget I am a dad and you are a son and that never ends.

All this would help me believe all those cards I saved. Cards telling me that I’m “A Great Dad.”

• Lonny Cain, retired managing editor of The Times in Ottawa, also was a reporter for The Herald-News in Joliet in the 1970s. His PaperWork email is lonnyjcain@gmail.com. Or mail The Times, 110 W. Jefferson St., Ottawa, IL 61350.