Watch out, world 
– it’s Groomzilla!: Grooms increasing roles in wedding planning process

ORLANDO, Fla. – So you think Bridezilla is scary, what with her tears and temper tantrums?

Just wait till you meet her opposite number: Groomzilla.

He's bigger, bolder, louder. And increasingly, he's muscling in on territory previously ruled by the bride, her mother and possibly a wedding planner.

"We're seeing grooms becoming more involved in the wedding plans – everything from choosing the venue down to the minutest details," says Rob Johnsen, 38, co-owner of mywedding.com, a leading online wedding guide.

"It's the rise of Groomzilla," he says. "We thought it would be fun to find the biggest Groomzilla in the country, so we launched a contest."

That was 2 weeks ago, and the entries are still flooding in. There are grooms demanding specific color schemes, flowers, food, china patterns and officiants. Others are vetting the bridesmaids dresses – and even the bride's choice of bridesmaids.

The contest deadline is April 21, but already several likely finalists are emerging – including one from Central Florida.

"I don't see myself as Groomzilla. I think of myself as a concerned fiancé," says David Taggart of Casselberry, Fla. He was entered into the contest by his bride, Bethany Haneline, an administrative assistant in Altamonte Springs, Fla. The couple plans to marry in November.

"Bethany gave the wedding plans a few shots, but got frustrated. So I embraced the challenge," says Taggart, 36, owner of Innovative Party Rentals in Altamonte Springs, Fla.

"What I do for a living probably has an impact on the demands I have for a perfectly coordinated event," he says. "I do have an attitude, but I don't think I'm mean."

Still, he did reduce a prospective photographer to tears. And he became so impatient with the cake designers, he stormed out of the bakery vowing to bake the wedding cake himself.

Yes, he admits, "I ripped them apart. I'm very sorry. But when I'm paying a fee, I expect perfection."

Had he gotten married when he was in his early 20s, no way would he have taken charge of arrangements.

But now, "I plan events every day of my life. My goal is to make [the wedding] the best event ever."

Overall, his bride is grateful for his intervention. "My mom is planning my sister's wedding in July. She has no time to help me. I quickly became overwhelmed. David could see it, so he took over," Haneline said.

"He's hard to deal with, but he gets the job done. He just wants to make it perfect for me and for himself. Basically, everything he's chosen, I've loved. I feel like the luckiest girl. I just have to say, 'Yeah, I like that.'"

Only the wedding seems to bring out the 'zilla in him, she says. "He supports me totally in my personal and professional decisions."

Still, she was surprised when her Groomzilla changed the wedding venue and signed a contract with a musician without consulting her. And when he approved only two of seven of her menu choices.

She did select the colors for her bridesmaids' dresses. But her fiancé will have a say in the styles "since he can't pick the bride's dress."

Not that he hasn't tried.

"He takes my brides magazines and crosses out what he doesn't like. He took me to a bridal show, and when a model walked out in a certain dress, he said, 'I want you to have that dress.'"

But that's where Haneline is drawing the line. "I will take into account his likes, but I'm not ruling out my taste. The dress will be my choice," she says.

Grooms started morphing into Groomzilla about a year ago, says wedding consultant Susan Southerland, owner of Just Marry! in Winter Park.

"I think partially because some brides have busy jobs, other times it's because the groom wants to keep the budget in line. I also think grooms want to have the day reflect their personality – maybe not with flowers and linens, but certainly with food and music and oddly enough, cake. That seems to be huge with grooms."

Johnsen points out that today's grooms are older – the average age is 29 in the United States. They have been in the workplace awhile and are used to calling the shots.

"And if a guy is paying, he's going to want to control the outcome," Johnsen says.

"It's a new generation getting married. It's less taboo for a guy to enjoy his wedding. It's not all about the bride anymore."



'I want it to be done right'

What wedding plans did bridegroom Elkin Cabrera control?

"More like, what didn't I control," says Cabrera, 33, who was recently married in Miami.

He was entered into mywedding.com's Groomzilla contest by his bride, Erica Utley, 29.

"I'm organized; I pay attention to detail. It's my wedding, I want it to be done right," he says.

"I assigned responsibilities. Erica's mom: menus and invitations. Erica: flowers. She picks the flowers, checks with me, I take it from there.

"I created a spreadsheet – nobody talks to vendors without talking to me first," says Cabrera, who helps manage his family's real estate and restaurant businesses in Miami.

He took care of the band, photographer and contracts; chose the colors for the bridesmaids dresses; scheduled hair and makeup appointments; and made all hotel and flight reservations.

"For the honeymoon, I told Erica to pick a place, but she was taking forever. I got on the phone and in 2 hours I booked the whole thing. I was aggravated – she was holding things up," he says.

"The only thing I haven't seen is her dress. But I tried to tell her what I would like it to look like.

"I don't mean any harm. But if I can bring something to the table, why not do it?"



Stop the monster

It's a beautiful thing when a bridegroom wants to be involved in the wedding plans, says Rob Johnsen, co-founder of mywedding.com. But if the groom muscles in and takes over, morphing into Groomzilla, here are Johnsen's tips for taming the beast:

Don't squelch his enthusiasm, try to control it. Remind him he is one half of a whole couple.

Take the pressure off. Let him know every detail doesn't have to be perfect. There will be glitches – so go with the flow and enjoy the surprises. Glitches often make the most memorable moments.

If a situation with a vendor gets ugly, cut your losses and walk away – but follow up with a polite, handwritten apology. Wedding professionals tend to network, so beware! If word gets out a groom is difficult to work with, other vendors may refuse your business.

Men are fundamentally horrible listeners. To make herself heard, the bride needs to catch her groom in a quiet moment when she has his undivided attention.

If the bride can't get through to Groomzilla, have someone else in the wedding party talk him down – the best man, a brother, a parent.

Draw up a list of responsibilities, then divide them among the wedding planners. Give the groom those tasks best suited to his interests, expertise and personality.