We all go through hard times. It begins quietly – a few rough days that turn into a few wrong turns. Then come the years of drifting, when comfort becomes craving and craving becomes chains. Maybe addiction shadowed those years, taking your peace, your people, your time – until you wondered if you’d ever climb out.

Whatever the case, you only have two options: Let the past define you, or let the past refine you.

The truth is, the hardest seasons often build the strongest souls – if we let them.

I was always a Robert Downey Jr. fan, and not just because of his incredible talent as an actor, but because he’s one of those people who chose to let his past refine him rather than define him.

He was one of Hollywood’s brightest young stars – until years of chaos chipped away at his reputation, his finances, and his hope.

For a time, Downey’s life read like a cautionary tale. In 1996, he was arrested for drug possession; he missed required court-ordered drug tests, his house in Malibu was lost, and his career stalled. Studios labeled him unreliable. For many years, he struggled to find meaningful work, his public image tarnished, his potential derailed. Years of drift: opportunities lost, trust broken, momentum vanished. Friends, fans, and insiders began to write him off. Those years defined him – for a while, at least. He was behind, and it showed.

Maybe you see some of yourself in that spiral – the regret, the exhaustion, the wondering if you’ll ever get another shot.

In an interview with Oprah Winfrey, he said, “It’s hard to get out of the barrel, it’s slippery around the edges, and people like to see you fall back in.”

Behind the headlines was a man fighting himself, haunted by his addictions, uncertain if he’d ever climb back.

Something inside of him must have shifted. Downey embraced treatment and sobriety. He began returning to the industry with more minor roles, rebuilding trust. Soon, he became the face of the Marvel Studios universe as Tony Stark in “Iron Man,” launching a blockbuster run.

After a few years of focused effort, he effectively erased the drag of the previous decade. He locked into a mission: sobriety, discipline, and proving his value. From near-ruin to “one of the most bankable stars in the world,” he flipped the narrative.

In a New York Times article titled “The Fall and Rise of Robert Downey Jr.,” he admitted, “I understand reversal of fortune; that usually comes from my own hand.”

The years of chaos didn’t vanish – they taught him – but the next few years of focus reset his life.

He quieted the chaos. He said no to what destroyed him and yes to what healed him—recovery, the twelve steps, yoga, meditation, and a renewed sense of purpose.

He aligned with a new vision, determined to shift his trajectory – with a laser focus. By 2008, his new career arc was in place. The decade of hurt became the foundation for his resurgence. The past refined him – not defined him.

Now, what about you? Maybe you’re looking at a past decade of “if onlys,” of being stuck, of things going sideways, and you’re ready to say: not anymore.

Eliminate distractions, screens that snatch your attention, gossip that drains your energy, addictions that drain your soul, doubts that whisper “you can’t.”

It’s time to focus. It’s time to concentrate. The hole may be deep, carved by doubt or addiction, but you can still climb out. The light isn’t gone – it’s waiting for you to remember it’s there.

It’s faint at first – but it burns brighter each time you take a step upward.

You don’t need to be perfect. You need to be present. You need to refocus. Focus is a superpower – and it doesn’t cost money or status. It just asks for attention.

Your past? As hard as it is to believe, it doesn’t get to decide your tomorrow.

Just a couple of years of concentrated, consistent action can rewrite your next chapter. And when you decide to live like that, you begin to become unstoppable.

Focus, determination, and sobriety cut through confusion, clear your vision, and remind you who you really are.

• Toby Moore is a Shaw Local News Network columnist, star of the Emmy-nominated film “A Separate Peace” and CEO of CubeStream Inc. He can be reached at feedback@shawmedia.com.