Write Team: A letter to our wildlife tenants

Dear wildlife critters,

Please do not take this personally, but I really wish that you all would find another place to call home.

This has been the summer of freeloaders who decided that our backyard is a great place in which to reside.

Although my husband and I put a lot of time and effort into creating a nice space, we really hadn’t planned to become landlords. Especially for those who don’t contribute and just make more work.

Our west-side backyard has apparently been a recent residence or vacation rental for skunks, raccoons, squirrels, bunnies, chiggers, birds and snakes. I am fine with the bunnies, birds and squirrels although I dislike when the pesky squirrels shimmy up the shepherd’s hook to access all the birdseed in the feeder. Bunnies are cute and fun to watch. I do wish birds would not build their nests in my wreaths, but I can deal with them being temporary tenants.

I suppose we should feel flattered that such a variety of wildlife appreciates our efforts at landscaping, planting and creating pleasing vignettes out back. I don’t mind some sharing, but this summer has been too much.

I was watering flowers one afternoon when out of the corner of my eye, I saw what I thought was a cat, walking alongside the shed. I turned and that was no cat; it was a skunk who slunk underneath the shed to escape the heat. A neighbor told us a few days later that early one morning, she saw two skunks ambling towards our yard.

We tried all the internet suggestions of putting Cayenne pepper Pine Sol and Irish Spring soap around the perimeter to ward off the intruder. That was a waste. And as it turned out, skunks were just the vacationers. Two raccoons were the real occupants under the shed. They must have sublet space to the skunks.

After we served all of them with eviction papers, my husband sealed the outside foundation with additional pavers and concrete. Hopefully the Animal Planet Subdivision is permanently closed for occupancy.

Critters, you really do not want to live in our backyard. Even though we have a lot of lovely flowers growing, this is not the space for you. I know that the neighbor’s overhanging mulberry tree provided you with a free buffet of berries, and that may have been a big attraction at first, but that is not a sustainable food source. Our garbage cans are no treat, either.

So please, go back to the river beds and woodsy areas that are just a few short blocks away. Everyone will live in peace.

And that includes whoever recently tried chewing through the vinyl lattice skirting around the front porch. You can just leave, too.

Don’t come back today just because it is my husband’s birthday, and you think there may be leftover blueberry cheesecake to snack on. This is a private party.

And that includes the stray, black cat whose paw prints have been recently seen on the back deck.

Sincerely,

The Roths

Karen Roth is a semiretired librarian/educator living in Ottawa. She can be reached at dbarichello@shawmedia.com.