Spirit Matters: Empathy allows us to look beyond ourselves, preconceived notions

“As an INFP, you spot them immediately. It’s not even conscious. You just know. Something in their eyes, something in the way they sit a little too far from the group, or apologize before speaking. You don’t rush in. You don’t try to fix them. You just… make space.

“You see them. Because you know what it’s like to not be seen.”

– Susan Storm, psychologyjunkie.com, “Why INFPs Are Here to Shake the System and Save the Strays”

I have shared in this space before my penchant for exploring personality profiles.

I am forever looking to find out more about my own personality types – on the Enneagram, I am a 4 with a 5 wing and a 479 Tritype, and on the Myers-Briggs scale, I consistently test as an INFP, alternatively classified as “the healer” or “the dreamer.”

So, when I came across the opening quotation after clicking on a link in my email this morning, I knew I had found something to write about.

For those of you not familiar with these systems, much of the above paragraph won’t make sense. This space is too small for me to go into further detail about those systems, at least for my purposes today. There is plenty of information online if you are interested in finding out more.

As an INFP (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceptive), I am forever seeking to better understand myself and my motivations. Hence, my obsession with personality profiles.

I am uncertain if that is an asset or a liability to my soul’s evolution. Personality profiles aren’t supposed to be static. Categorizing people into neat and tidy boxes can make it difficult to remember we are each utterly unique, unrepeatable souls.

And souls remain, and should remain, in the realm of mystery.

That being said, having some understanding of who we are and why we do the things we do can help us learn to capitalize on our strengths and work on our weaknesses. In like manner, understanding the personalities of friends, relatives and other associates can help us improve communication with them and avoid misunderstandings.

In short, understanding personality profiles can help us become better humans in every part of our lives, especially our relationships with others.

The opening quotation resonates deeply with me, and it certainly is timely in its application in the greater scheme of things.

The ability to see beyond outward appearances is a gift, but it is also something we can each develop, regardless of what our personality profile says we are. Those whose natural tendency is for critical analysis rather than intuition might have a harder time getting to an empathetic space, but it can be done.

Some corners of “Christianity” have been on an anti-empathy campaign, going so far as to label empathy a sin.

Empathy in and of itself is not a sin.

Empathy is the opposite of sin, when it allows us to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and understand where they are coming from and why they behave the way they do.

Having empathy for someone does not mean we have to condone their behavior.

It simply means we are able to look beyond the limitations of ourselves and our understanding of the world and walk in someone else’s shoes for a bit.

Empathy allows us to see those who feel like no one sees them. It allows us to meet people where they are, not where we think they should be.

And, forgive the cliché, but isn’t that what Jesus would do?

SPIRIT MATTERS is a weekly column by Jerrilyn Zavada Novak that examines experiences common to the human spirit. Contact her at jzblue33@yahoo.com.