Frankfort mom of nine offers advice: Let little things slide

FRANKFORT – Carla Dobrovits, practicing attorney, mother of many, former La Leche League Leader and runner of half-marathons, offered this advice for moms: Let little things slide.

Be true to what’s important to you, your relationships with your husband and children, and your vision for the family.

“And don’t let the noises of our culture undermine it,” said Carla, 47, of Frankfort.

Kids? No way

The oldest of eight children, Carla, at 17, walked the floors with her fussy baby sister at night, so her mother could catch some sleep. Carla didn’t want to be “Supermom.”

“I was never going to get married or have children,” she said. “I knew what having a baby entailed. I was going to go to law school and become the first woman president.”

Carla met her husband, Paul, at law school. When Paul went into the U.S. Navy, she went with him.

With distance between Carla and her siblings, she missed them and thought, “Maybe now would be a good time to have a baby.”

The couple welcomed Brent in 1992 and Luke in 1994. Paul began working for the Department of Justice and the family moved back to the Chicago area.

Sickness – and then a miracle

At 31, when their sons were 4 and 3, Paul was diagnosed with stage two testicular cancer and given a 5 percent chance of having more children, Carla said.

A year later, in 1998, the couple decided to adopt a little girl from China, only to learn China would not clear them for adoption for five to 10 years because of Paul’s recent cancer bout, even though he was healthy.

That fall, Carla was pregnant, which stunned Paul’s oncologist. After Sabrina (1999), the couple had Ella (2004), Logan (2006) and Tessa (2009).

All this time, Carla practiced law with her father. Her Catholic faith also underwent a metamorphosis, becoming deeper and more personal.

“When you’re in your 20s, you think you’re going to live forever,” Carla said. “There’s nothing like a cancer diagnosis to smack you in your face and make you really think about your beliefs and what’s really important.”

A wider opening of her heart

In 2010, friends adopted a sibling group from Ethiopia. While seeking a way to give moral support, Carla learned about an international organization that advocated for special-needs children abandoned at birth by their parents.

In early 2011, Carla saw a picture of 6-month-old Henry on that group’s website and fell in love with the baby boy with a cleft palate and limb contractures. She researched surgical options for both and decided that, if they were fixable, they couldn’t be that bad.

“I just thought, ‘Wow, someone should adopt that little boy. He’s just so cute,’ ” Carla said.

That summer, Carla and Paul went to the Ukraine. At 13 months, Henry weighed 13 pounds, couldn’t hold up his head and had frequent lung infections, partly due to aspirating formula from a propped bottle.

Henry also had a 130-degree curvature of his spine. Every joint was dislocated. Once Henry was adopted, Carla learned he had a Larsen syndrome, which caused many of his problems.

In October 2012, Henry had titanium rods put into his spine. But Henry’s doctors didn’t know he had contracted methicillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus while in the Ukraine. The MRSA infected his rods, and Henry died Nov. 28, 2012.

“I went through grief therapy,” Carla said, “and Paul and I talked about if we wanted to adopt again.”

In October 2013, Carla again went to the Ukraine to adopt three siblings – Vika, 11; Leo, 3; and Yana, 18 months. The children came home that December.

Vika loves school and is working hard on learning English. Chatterbox Leo had his cleft palate partially repaired in the Ukraine. Yana had extensive cardiac testing, treatment for H. pylori and intestinal parasites, in-home speech and occupational therapy.

“She’s peachy now,” Carla said.

Efforts bore fruit

One result of Carla’s dedication to raising a large family is seen in her oldest son. Brent Dobrovits, 22, is a paraprofessional educator at New Lenox School District 122, working in the special-needs program.

Brent said he loves his large family and is proud of his mother’s commitment to all her children. As proof, Brent lives at home to assist in child-rearing duties and to give his mother an occasional break.

“Why should my parents waste money on baby sitters,” Brent said, “when I can lend a hand?”

Mother’s Day wish

So when one’s heart and life are full with too many blessings to count, what does one wish for Mother’s Day? For Carla, that’s easy: gift cards to Starbucks – Carla’s rejuvenating oasis – and a pedicure.

And a break from kitchen duty.

“I consider any day I don’t have to cook a vacation,” she said. “I can be pretty chill about that.”