Paperwork: ‘Hello, sweetheart. Want to start with a cup of coffee?’

Let me tell you about this dream.

I’m driving down a long stretch of highway, and I can see my future in the distance. I see myself slowly aging as I get closer.

“Oh, it’s coming someday, that’s for sure,” I tell myself, pushing onward. Then BAM! Suddenly, older me is sitting next to me in the passenger seat. When did that happen? I wonder.

Yeah. That’s how it works. Not a dream. At some point in time, I had to admit I was old. The world around me noticed before I did. The wake-up call came when I was ordering breakfast.

“What can I get you, sweetheart?” Those words from the waitress were interesting and a bit surprising. When she brought my over-easy eggs, she said, “There ya go, darlin’. Enjoy.”

I automatically replied, “Thank you, hon.”

So it was official. I was old. Waitresses generally do not call younger men “dearie” or “darlin’.” Do they? I have joked that being old has at least one benefit. I could flirt with waitresses. Or more like I could pretend that waitresses were flirting with me.

But there’s more to it than that. Restaurant chitchat evolves into much more and certainly less romantic moments. If I look down that highway again, I can see more is coming. Well, maybe.

What I have described is called “elderspeak.” It feels like a gentle, caring connection to some, but not to others, according to experts quoted in an article I just read by Paula Span for KFF Health News.

“It’s communication to older adults that sounds like baby talk. It arises from an ageist assumption of frailty, incompetence and dependence,” said Clarissa Shaw, a dementia care researcher at the University of Iowa College of Nursing.

To help document the use of elderspeak, Shaw co-authored an article with Kristine Williams, a nurse gerontologist at the University of Kansas School of Nursing.

“We have negative stereotypes of older adults, so we change the way we talk,” Williams said. ”Elderspeak can be controlling, kind of bossy, so to soften that message, there’s ‘honey,’ ‘dearie,’ ‘sweetie.’"

A caregiver can say something as simple as, “Are we ready to take our bath?” But, Williams says, this implies the person is not able to act on their own.

Elderspeak is common, especially in nursing homes. Studies show it can spark resistance to tasks like feeding or taking meds.

Williams said they have developed CHAT, a Changing Talk training program to show staff how to cut back elderspeak and reduce resistance.

The Span article shares anecdotes from families who felt elderspeak was insulting, demeaning and alienating. It’s more respectful to address clients as Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. unless they invite you to use a first name.

Span’s article has me thinking about how we label people by how we speak to them. It’s one thing to feel older. My muscles tell me that every day. But it’s another thing to be treated like you’re old. Still, the day is likely coming when I will need a helping hand.

Oh yeah, that older me is coming down the road. Kind of bent. Weaker. Looks like I could use some cuddling and tender care, and some kind words.

I can’t say for sure, but I might be OK with a caretaker tucking me in at night, a little kiss on the forehead with her soft whisper, “Sweet dreams, you handsome devil.”

Oops. There I go … dreaming again.

• Lonny Cain, retired managing editor of The Times in Ottawa, also was a reporter for The Herald-News in Joliet in the 1970s. His PaperWork email is lonnyjcain@gmail.com. Or mail The Times, 110 W. Jefferson St., Ottawa, IL 61350.