COVID Brings New Levels of Grief and Challenges for Support

A pat on the back. A shoulder to cry on. The touch of a hand during a shared prayer.

These are gestures of comfort offered by Barbara Manning, Board-Certified Chaplain in Pastoral Care at Silver Cross Hospital in New Lenox.

“But since COVID, I can’t do that anymore,” Manning said. “Now, I use the tone of my voice, my eyes and body language to offer comfort. They still have a sense of my support.”

For six years, Manning has been part of a team helping to heal body, mind and soul for patients, families, and staff.

“The three parts work in unison. Stress (mind) affects (body) high blood pressure, headaches, muscle tension, etc. Prayer, music, art, nature (spirit) calms our minds, which affects our body.”

Before COVID, Manning visited patients weekly to determine the support they needed. Sometimes, it was just a sympathetic ear, or words of encouragement. She still does that, but for patients in Isolation, she calls them.

Those needs exploded during the early days of the pandemic. The stress and grief at times pushed everyone to the brink, including staff, many of whom never had seen such suffering.

“I saw their pain and wanted to take it away. I felt helpless.”

“I would talk with staff one on one,” Manning said. “Just to offer an ear and encouragement. If I saw someone having a particularly bad day, I would leave a card with an inspirational note.

“One nurse I left a card for anonymously said she knew it was from me. She said, ‘Thank you. I needed that.’”

For families who have lost a loved one, the lack of closure is the most difficult part.

Whenever we experience a loss, we grieve. For example: the loss of a job, financial strains, isolation from social interaction, or the death of a loved one.

“Grief manifests in many forms,” she said. “We can’t sleep, or that’s all we want to do. We can’t eat or we eat more than we should. We don’t want to move, or we are going in a million different directions. It’s hard to concentrate, and sometimes we have an emotional outburst. Grief is real and these behaviors are normal. The best thing we can do is to acknowledge that we are grieving, don’t suppress it, and deal with it in healthy ways.”

Manning offered some thoughts on dealing with grief:

• Take a Time Out: Reflect on how you feel. Name it. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. You can’t control them, but you can control how you respond to them. Be honest with yourself and others. For those who share, actively listen. No advice. Just let them talk and release that feeling.
  
• Take care of your body: Eat healthy, get enough sleep and exercise. Exercising releases endorphins that are physically and mentally beneficial. Do what you like to do whether it is gardening, biking, Yoga, walking, even housework. And smile! It may be the encouragement that someone needs.
  
• Take care of your mind: We can choose positivity by re-framing what is going on. Count our blessings instead of our woes. Decide to have an “attitude of gratitude.” What are you thankful for today? Fill yourself with positive self-talk and pass it on. It does wonders for those around you. It’s OK to be happy. Laughter is good medicine.
  
• Take care of your Spirit: Spirituality is that inner compass which guides us to follow what gives our lives meaning. A sense that we are part of something greater than ourselves. This may be expressed by religious beliefs, rituals, nature, art, music, or meditation. St. Augustine said, “Our hearts are restless until they rest in You, O Lord.” Sometimes our spirit feels restless, and we feel a void inside ourselves. It’s your spirit needing to be nourished. Go to what brings you joy and meaning.
  

“People are social beings,” Manning said. “We are not meant to be isolated. We need community and support systems. Bereavement Support Groups are wonderful because everyone there has walked the journey that you are walking when you are grieving the loss of a loved one.”

For more information about pastoral care at Silver Cross, please visit www.silvercross.org.

Silver Cross Hospital

1900 Silver Cross Blvd

New Lenox, IL 60541