I’ve spent my week reading and pondering the guiding and power of influence. The influence others have on us as well as the influence we have on others. Influence is power and it is a double-edged sword. There’s of course positive as well as negative influences and we must choose who we associate with wisely.
The late motivational/inspirational speaker Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
This is going to be a working column, as I am going to ask you to do more than just read. I’d like you to participate. Ask yourself, “Who are the five people you spend the most time with now?” and “who were the five people you spent the most time with during your formative years as a child?”
This exercise will help you understand the influence people had on you and are having now. When you were young, if the kids you hung around with smoked, you are/were probably a smoker. If they were shoplifting, you probably joined in. And if they were good students who took their education seriously, you were probably a good student.
Our greatest childhood influencers were usually your caregivers … your parents and guardians. My sisters and I laugh and often talk about how we are still influenced today by our parents. It’s unavoidable. As Rohn said, we are the average of the five people we spend or spend the most time with.
My mother certainly understood the power of influence, as I can hear her saying, “Don’t hang around that kid. He’ll only lead you into trouble.” She understood, not from education but from experience.
Like I said, I spent the week focused on influence. I made an honest and sobering list of what and who has influenced my life. My second request is that you do the same, but let’s begin with a reflection of now. Who do you hang around with? Who are the five people you spend the most time with?
Once you have the list, take each name, and make notes. Do I want to imitate them? Is their quality of life what I want for mine? What are they doing to me? How are they influencing me? Has my time with them changed me? And is that OK?
If you will take a hard, honest, and serious look into your associations, you will be surprised. Positive influences and examples will have a profound influence on your life. So will negative influences. Both will take you somewhere … but ask yourself, “is it someplace you really want to go?” It’s easy to dismiss the influence of others but it’s not honest. Make a list and examine each name.
Everything matters. Every word spoken. Every action taken leads us somewhere and impacts our lives. Ignorance is never your best policy. Understanding who and how you are being influenced is.
What am I becoming? I don’t care how old you are, we are all on a journey somewhere. Is your journey taking you where you want to go? Ask yourself, “Who has power over you? Who is influencing my journey?”
Now, take positive and decisive action.
If you have participated so far in this exercise, you should have a clearer idea of who and how you are influenced. Now let’s talk about the three steps you can take to improve your life.
1. Disassociation (hard choice) Get the losers out of your life.
2. Limited association – people you enjoy but add no real value to your life.
3. Increased association. Associate on purpose with people of positive substance.
These actions should be clear, so I won’t spend too much time on them. Dump the people who are negatively influencing you. Limit the time you spend with casual friends who add nothing to your life and seek out people whose influence will improve your life and add to your success.
Never spend major time on minor things. Spend major time on/with positive influences. Spend more time with people of accomplishment and high character. It’s your life. You can spend your time with whomever you want, but you must always weigh the time against what kind of return you are getting. Always be cautious and discerning about who and what you let into your mind.
Association can also be through the writing of positive people. We can’t spend time with George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Billy Graham or Martin Luther King, but we can through their words and writings they left behind.
I asked you to participate and I hope you will. Even more so, I hope you’ll talk to your children and grandchildren about the power of influence. Helping them understand at an early age will positively impact them for the rest of their lives.
Next week, lets talk about the power of influence you have on others.
Gary W. Moore is a freelance columnist, speaker, and author of three books including the award-winning, critically acclaimed, “Playing with the Enemy.” Follow Gary on Twitter @GaryWMoore721 and at www.garywmoore.com