Oliver: Domestic violence isn’t just a global problem; it happens here too

For a lot of us during this ongoing global pandemic, home has been a place of safety. It’s a space where we feel protected.

Imagine, though, if it were not like that. Imagine a place where at a moment’s notice it could change into a place of danger. A place where your life resembles a nightmare that you can’t wake up from. A place where you’re constantly on edge about what will happen next.

Imagine, too, that you’re made to feel that the situation is something that you deserve and that you’ve brought on yourself. Sometimes, oftentimes, you just don’t know what or who to believe.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, you don’t have to imagine this scenario. You live it.

The United Nations defines “domestic violence” as a “pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.” It’s also referred to as “domestic abuse” or “intimate partner violence.”

That abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological. It can be actions or threats that influence another person. According to the U.N., “this includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.”

Although a lot of people think that this happens only to women, the U.N. points out that “anyone can be a victim of domestic violence, regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, faith or class.”

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and it’s a good time to remember that while this is a global problem, it’s also a local one.

In the U.S., on average, almost 20 people a minute are physically abused by an intimate partner, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. On a typical day, more than 20,000 phone calls are placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide.

Thankfully, here in McHenry County, we have a dedicated nonprofit organization, Turning Point, that works to help victims of domestic violence. Last year, they served 1,615 people who needed help. They answered 2,263 crisis calls and helped with 614 orders of protection.

Turning Point plans to host its annual Candlelight Vigil at 6 p.m. today on the Woodstock Square. A second vigil held in Spanish is scheduled for 6 p.m. Oct. 13 at Harvard’s City Hall.

The event is a chance to remember those lives that have been lost to domestic violence, as well as to honor those who have survived.

For me, that means remembering my sorority sister Marie, who was murdered as a freshman at Northwestern University. It also means being aware so that I recognize when a friend or acquaintance might need help.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers these warning signs:

• Telling you that you never do anything right.
• Showing extreme jealousy to your friends or time spent away from them.
• Preventing or discouraging you from spending time with friends, family members or peers.
• Insulting, demeaning or shaming you, especially in front of people.
• Preventing you from making your own decisions.
• Controlling finances in the household without discussion, including taking your money or refusing to provide money for necessary expenses.
• Pressuring you to have sex or perform sexual acts you’re not comfortable with.
• Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol.
• Intimidating you through threatening looks or actions.
• Insulting your parenting or threatening to harm or take away your children or pets.
• Intimidating you with weapons.
• Destroying your belongings or your home.

If you need help, call Turning Point at 815-338-8081.

You aren’t alone. You matter. Please get help.

• Joan Oliver is the former Northwest Herald assistant news editor. She has been associated with the Northwest Herald since 1990. She can be reached at jolivercolumn@gmail.com.