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Oliver: Gifts prove to be reminder of deep bond between sports-loving siblings

Posthumous gifts leave no doubt about feelings of big brother for his little sister

The first time my big brother Gary left me, I was 9 years old at the time. I knew that his departure really had nothing to do with me, but I was too young to truly grasp it all.

He and my mother had one of those epic falling-outs, the kind that fracture relationships for decades and put rifts in families.

I was a kid, and all it meant to me was that my oldest brother was gone. I loved him from afar and always hoped that I’d hear from him again someday.

That someday came briefly after my father died in the late 1980s, when I was at Northwestern University as an undergrad. He reached out to me to offer condolences. We share a mother, but we have different fathers.

Gary disappeared again for a few more years. Then, much to my great happiness, he reappeared. This time he intended to stay.

We forged a great relationship over our mutual love of Chicago sports – specifically the Bears, the Blackhawks and the Cubs. He wasn’t into basketball, so I never did get to “nerd out” with him about the Bulls. Then again, when he came back to me, the Bulls weren’t very good, their glory days long since in the rearview mirror.

We reveled together in the good seasons – the Blackhawks winning Stanley Cups and that incredibly special World Series championship won by the Cubs. Mostly we texted back and forth, weighing in on particular plays or what the clubs should do to improve.

This was in no small part because it was hard for him to talk. Sadly, he developed cancer in the jaw and part of it had to be removed. Ultimately, when his cancer metastasized, it would be the thing that took him away from me again.

One afternoon as we were texting back and forth during a Cubs game, I lamented that I hadn’t gotten around to buying any Cubs T-shirts after they won the World Series. He said he would save his for me.

What he meant is that I could have them after he died. Of course, I told him I’d rather he keep them, which would mean he’d still be with me. But I reluctantly thanked him and agreed.

Because of COVID-19, I wasn’t able to help Gary pack up his apartment in Iowa to move to be with his son in New Mexico. His cancer had gotten worse, and he knew it. He wanted to be with his son when the end came. It came at the end of October of last year.

My younger brother, Joe, was able to help with that move. True to his word, Gary gave him a few items that he “adamantly” said were to be given to me.

After a few months passed, I couldn’t understand why my younger brother didn’t just mail them to me. After all, it was a couple of T-shirts, or so I thought.

Now I understand why Joe decided it was best to drive them out to me from his home in Indiana. He delivered Gary’s gifts this past weekend.

My dear brother Gary, my sports-watching buddy, wanted me to have some of his best stuff, the meaning of which would not be lost on his sports-loving little sister.

It wasn’t just a couple of T-shirts, although there were two sweet World Series ones. There also was a Cubs jacket. There was a Blackhawks Stanley Cup shirt, as well as an incredible Marian Hossa jersey and a Blackhawks jacket. Not only that, but I also got the Walter Payton jersey I often saw him wearing, as well as some 1985 Bears items. It was a veritable treasure trove from one sports nerd to another.

The first time he left me, I wasn’t completely sure how he felt about his kid sister.

This time, as I grieve his loss every time I watch one of our beloved teams, I know how much I love and miss him.

These last gifts from him are just another reminder that I can be sure that he loved me, too.

Joan Oliver is the former Northwest Herald assistant news editor. She has been associated with the Northwest Herald since 1990. She can be reached at jolivercolumn@gmail.com.

Joan Oliver

Joan Oliver

A 30-year newspaper veteran who has been a copy editor, front-page editor, presentation editor, assistant news editor and publication editor, as well as a columnist and host of an online newspaper newscast.