The last week hasn’t been easy at night.
Neither have the last six months, for that matter.
My dog, Zeke, has major anxiety issues. They often are more intense at night, and, since he sleeps with me, can make my life miserable. Maybe I should mention here that Zeke is around 100 pounds, so when his anxiety kicks in and he wants something, he wants it NOW, and naturally, he comes to me for relief. This means climbing on me, assertively pawing me … whatever he can do to get my attention, and get what he wants.
This whole thing might not be so bad if I didn’t have a history of generalized anxiety and major depression myself. So, when he wakes me up in the middle of the night by climbing on me or pawing me, naturally, my anxiety level skyrockets too. And, most of the time, he doesn’t just wake me up once. He wakes me up two, or three, or four times a night.
Anyone who has gone through life with anxiety issues knows they are often magnified when one doesn’t get adequate sleep. When this pattern continues for months on end, it can trigger a relapse into major depression. At the very least, it creates cloudy thinking. Add to the mix the fact that I have been tapering off my anxiety medications for over a year, and seeking more natural relief, and, well …. let’s just say, it is complicated.
Since I have otherwise been doing very well not only in tapering the medications, but in managing this depression and anxiety — even to the point of being generally happier and more relaxed than I have been in ages — I am doing everything I possibly can to keep a relapse from happening.
I have been down that road before, plenty of times, and I don’t want to go there again.
Of course, this means going to the root of the problem, and in my case, that means easing Zeke’s anxiety first.
Zeke recently had his annual exam and shots, and everything appears to be well.
In trying to manage his anxiety, I and my family have tried various drug and non-drug related interventions, including walks, car rides, belly rubs, anti-anxiety playlists for pets on YouTube, extra treats, crate time with one of my worn pieces of clothes, CBD oil, and Trazadone – as recommended by his veterinarian, who knows him well.
Although some of these methods work temporarily, Zeke still is not at ease.
And, in effect, neither am I.
This week, I made a trip to PetSmart and invested in a new cushion for his crate, along with an anti-anxiety vest and some other natural supplements. (I am visually/spatially challenged, so I am still trying to figure out how to put the vest on. I definitely think it could have potential… so, I am calling my brothers in today to help me figure it out.) In the meantime, I have been introducing the vest to Zeke with treats on it, so he will feel comfortable with it. So far, he seems to be warming up to it, at least as a security blanket.
As I write this Friday morning, bleary eyed, and out of sorts from another less-than-adequate night of sleep, Zeke lies on the floor behind me, snoring comfortably. He didn’t wake up that way. I gave him some of the all-natural chews I bought yesterday, and that seems to have worked. For now. (I can only give him so many chews in a 24-hour period.)
Last night, as I lie in bed, with Zeke breathing heavily, licking his paws, and otherwise being restless, I had a rare moment of lucidity – or, perhaps, divine inspiration.
I decided to stay in the moment. To be present, as I try to do in the rest of my life, and not let my agitation get the best of me…. Not let my own worries about not getting enough sleep overtake me.
While my own deep sleep YouTube list played next to me (one of the few bright spots in this whole labyrinthian season of my night life), I began to do some deep breathing exercises. I do these often throughout my waking life, and they often help tremendously.
This time, as I was doing the exercises, I threw in a couple of mantras, to help things along. (What is that old adage… “mind over matter”?)
Breathing in… “I breathe in love.” Breathing out… “I breathe out gentleness.”
Breathing in… Breathing out… and sometimes switching up the phrasing.
Before long, I was back asleep.
Comfortably, actually.
And, I also achieved some rapid-eye-movement sleep a few times during the night, which means I was able to get into the state where one’s brain can actually restore itself.
In short… for me, at this time in my life… Bliss.
· SPIRIT MATTERS is a weekly column that examines spirituality. Contact Jerrilyn Zavada at jzblue33@yahoo.com to share how you engage your spirit in your life and in your community.